Sweetie's sick again, with a mild cold. Not enough to totally incapacitate her, but just enough to make her cranky and indecisive about what she wants to do with herself. Happy and content one minute, crying and whining the next.
My husband has a cold too. He started it, in fact. His way of dealing with his sickness is to tell me, blow by blow, how it's progressing for him. He started with a sore throat - that's it - so he knew for sure he was doomed to be deathly ill within 24 hrs. Then he woke up feeling fine - thought he was getting over it - then by mid-morning he's drippy and scratchy again in the throat, but eating makes him feel better; he remembers when he was a kid being sick meant ..... etc., etc., etc.
It's okay, though. I don't mind listening to him too much - it's just his way and it's helping him work through it.
Just the same, though, with crankypants and analytical boy, I'm up to my eyeballs in miserableness. Having to listen to and take care of them, while trying to maintain my patience in the face of their feelings of "yuckiness" is incredibly trying. My only saving grace is that I myself have not caught the bug, and today both Sweetie and Hubby do seem to be creeping closer to health. There's light at the end of this tunnel - I can almost see it.
More about patience - with sicknesses in the house this week, along with a couple restless nights for Sweetie, my patience is being tried more than ever! I have always been a very patient person. My co-workers tell me I have the patience of a saint and they commend me for staying cool and calm in the face of deadlines, faulty machinery, and all the other factors that keep my job from running smoothly. Likewise, at home I pride myself on my ability to deal with Sweetie's antics much more calmly than her father. I am usually able to look at her behavior practically and understand that she's not doing things for the sole purpose of annoying me, but because she's growing and learning about her boundaries and life rules. Stepping back and realizing this has helped me a lot in getting through some of the tougher moments in raising her.
However, like I said, this week has really opened my eyes to just how impatient I'm becoming. Granted, my worst times of impatience lately have been around, oh, say 3:00 a.m. when Sweetie's wide awake, screaming at the top of her lungs about all the things she wants to do right then - except sleep. Then, out of desperation and looking for anything to calm her down, we give in to some of her wishes - only to be emphatically shot down because of course now she doesn't want that at all!
She wants milk - REALLY wants milk, ANYTHING for milk. We get her milk - she throws her cup on the floor because now she absolutely does NOT want milk - how could we possibly think to offer her that?! She wants to go downstairs - PLEEEAAAASSSEEE, go downstairs at 5:00 in the morning. I take her down - but NOOOO - she wants Daddy to go with her and pick her up. Just pick her up for the sake of doing it. She doesn't want a thing to do with me and what I can do to help her out.
(Maybe this is my big problem. I can't patiently deal with her when she's like this because, unlike past times, now she's simply not allowing me to help her however I can. She's looking more and more to her Daddy to pick her up and comfort her in her times of distress. I can't pick her up, and she knows it, so to her I'm no good at these times. But with hubby being sick this week, he's not been able to do what she wants of him so much. But she won't let me help her. Thus - the big problem).
Anyway, you get the idea. That's just a bit of what we've been through this week.
I think she's done having naps. Her hysterical behavior this week has only happened after days when she got good naps. But on her no-nap days, she's both gone to bed easily and she's slept soundly the whole night through - except for maybe the brief whimper or two in the middle of the night, which is quickly and easily dealt with.
Now if we could only get Nana, our daycare provider, to go along with our new no-nap routine.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Priorities II
Hi all. I'm cheating a little today. I've decided to use as today's post an essay I wrote a little more than a year ago, when Sweetie was 1 1/2 years old. It talks about how difficult it was/is for me to organize my time.
(I just now realized that this is similar to an earlier posting I did on priorities- but I think the message bears repeating anyway. Organizing/prioritizing I think is one of the most difficult tasks for any mother. Maybe someone reading this can relate - I'm betting many of you can.)
PRIORITIES
"Sleep when the baby sleeps." That's the well-intended, seemingly sensible advice all new mothers are given, helping them ease into their new world of diaper changes, midnight-feedings, and baby talk. And as a new mother, I appreciate any bits of advice and wisdom I can get in regards to what lies ahead. However, this staple of sane mothering just has not worked for me. More to the point - prioritizing baby's needs, household chores and my own need for self-preservation is, as (Sweetie) toddles ever closer toward the Terrible Two's, a major bone of contention in my life.
The first several months – heck, the entire first year! - were very challenging for me. As a disabled mother, it was difficult for me to do anything but tend to my daughter when she was awake. Because of my weak legs, I wasn't able to carry her around in a pouch on my belly, taking her with me as I swept through the house cleaning and dusting. Therefore, the only time to really take care of the house was when she napped. Likewise, I found the only time I could do anything for myself - whether it be a quick nap along with her or to catch up on my reading and writing - was when she slept.
While the thought of snoozing sounded like heaven whenever (Sweetie's) head went down (and her cute little bum went up), I just couldn't stop thinking that there was laundry to do and dishes to get into the dishwasher (my first Mother's Day gift. The best gift I've ever received. Seriously!). So I’d inevitably set off on my "wifely", and now "motherly" duty of keeping house. The moment would soon come, though, when this pre-baby, self-centered spirit would return and say to me, "You know, Amy, the baby’s sleeping. Why don’t you sit yourself down with a hot cup of tea, a good book or magazine, and just relax for a bit." Taking the spirit’s advice - laundry and dishes be damned! - I would put down the detergents and sponges and set the kettle on high, picking up the latest issue of “Oprah”. What does she have to say about the best ways to prioritize and live a happy life in your impeccably clean house, adorably well-behaved children playing quietly at your feet?
Thankfully, (Sweetie) has always been a very happy, self-contented baby. So she is able to play unattended for short spans of time. This has allowed me to scoot away for a minute to get a load of laundry going or put the last plate into the dishwasher to run. But as a new mother, I am totally in love with my baby and want to spend as much time with her as I can - if not interactively playing with her, then at least watching as she plays, learns and explores.
I so love spending time with my Sweetie that, upon returning to a full time career outside of the house, I found I could not get home to her fast enough after a long day's work. I live for the evenings. My job is such that I cannot leave until everything is completed each day. If computers or machinery break down, I have to stick around until all is fixed and done. Before (Sweetie), this was not a big deal. I didn't mind (too much, anyway) staying to work out any problems that arose. Once I became a mother, though, if I am at work even five minutes passed quitting time, I get fidgety and stressed, ready to get the heck out of there and go get my baby. I yearn for the weekends, when I can spend two whole days with her.
Ironically, this leads to another point on this crazily spinning pinwheel called motherhood. In (Sweetie's) first several months of infancy, whenever those precious weekends came around I’d often find myself wishing (she) would settle down for one good nap so I could take care of some other things. In fact, there were more sleepless Saturdays than I'd like to admit where I'd end up calling my mom in tears, asking her if she could baby-sit that evening so my husband and I could get out on our own for some time. And then my hormonally crazed self would continue to cry because of the ridiculousness of it all - wanting to be with (Sweetie), but wanting her to sleep so I could do my own thing at my own pace.
I remember one evening in particular when, after a rough, no-nap day, my mom did watch (Sweetie) for us. I was excited to go out on a nice, grown-up dinner date with my husband but, as soon as dinner was over and he suggested that we go shopping, I was crying again because I had had my rest and now wanted to be with my daughter again!
Things have started to get better. She is 22 months old now – her own little person. I think I have finally gotten a handle on prioritizing - more or less. I find that I must get chores done immediately upon putting her down. Then by the time she settles herself into dreamland I can, perhaps, sit down too. I have tried it the other way but too many times I get so wrapped up in the luxury of my rest time that by the time I finally get up to do some real work, she's waking up and I'm mad at myself that "I never have the time to get work done in this place!"
Above any other lesson motherhood has taught me so far is this: learn to live life in 2 to 3 hour increments, letting the baby lead the way. Just go with the flow as best you can. She will tell you when and if you’ll get housework done or a rest in for yourself. And, if things don’t go as you had hoped they would, well – maybe “the boss” will appeal to your needs tomorrow… on second thought, better TiVo Oprah for the rest of the week and program that new Roomba I just got for my birthday. We’ve got many a board book to read and lots of play dates to keep.
(I just now realized that this is similar to an earlier posting I did on priorities- but I think the message bears repeating anyway. Organizing/prioritizing I think is one of the most difficult tasks for any mother. Maybe someone reading this can relate - I'm betting many of you can.)
PRIORITIES
"Sleep when the baby sleeps." That's the well-intended, seemingly sensible advice all new mothers are given, helping them ease into their new world of diaper changes, midnight-feedings, and baby talk. And as a new mother, I appreciate any bits of advice and wisdom I can get in regards to what lies ahead. However, this staple of sane mothering just has not worked for me. More to the point - prioritizing baby's needs, household chores and my own need for self-preservation is, as (Sweetie) toddles ever closer toward the Terrible Two's, a major bone of contention in my life.
The first several months – heck, the entire first year! - were very challenging for me. As a disabled mother, it was difficult for me to do anything but tend to my daughter when she was awake. Because of my weak legs, I wasn't able to carry her around in a pouch on my belly, taking her with me as I swept through the house cleaning and dusting. Therefore, the only time to really take care of the house was when she napped. Likewise, I found the only time I could do anything for myself - whether it be a quick nap along with her or to catch up on my reading and writing - was when she slept.
While the thought of snoozing sounded like heaven whenever (Sweetie's) head went down (and her cute little bum went up), I just couldn't stop thinking that there was laundry to do and dishes to get into the dishwasher (my first Mother's Day gift. The best gift I've ever received. Seriously!). So I’d inevitably set off on my "wifely", and now "motherly" duty of keeping house. The moment would soon come, though, when this pre-baby, self-centered spirit would return and say to me, "You know, Amy, the baby’s sleeping. Why don’t you sit yourself down with a hot cup of tea, a good book or magazine, and just relax for a bit." Taking the spirit’s advice - laundry and dishes be damned! - I would put down the detergents and sponges and set the kettle on high, picking up the latest issue of “Oprah”. What does she have to say about the best ways to prioritize and live a happy life in your impeccably clean house, adorably well-behaved children playing quietly at your feet?
Thankfully, (Sweetie) has always been a very happy, self-contented baby. So she is able to play unattended for short spans of time. This has allowed me to scoot away for a minute to get a load of laundry going or put the last plate into the dishwasher to run. But as a new mother, I am totally in love with my baby and want to spend as much time with her as I can - if not interactively playing with her, then at least watching as she plays, learns and explores.
I so love spending time with my Sweetie that, upon returning to a full time career outside of the house, I found I could not get home to her fast enough after a long day's work. I live for the evenings. My job is such that I cannot leave until everything is completed each day. If computers or machinery break down, I have to stick around until all is fixed and done. Before (Sweetie), this was not a big deal. I didn't mind (too much, anyway) staying to work out any problems that arose. Once I became a mother, though, if I am at work even five minutes passed quitting time, I get fidgety and stressed, ready to get the heck out of there and go get my baby. I yearn for the weekends, when I can spend two whole days with her.
Ironically, this leads to another point on this crazily spinning pinwheel called motherhood. In (Sweetie's) first several months of infancy, whenever those precious weekends came around I’d often find myself wishing (she) would settle down for one good nap so I could take care of some other things. In fact, there were more sleepless Saturdays than I'd like to admit where I'd end up calling my mom in tears, asking her if she could baby-sit that evening so my husband and I could get out on our own for some time. And then my hormonally crazed self would continue to cry because of the ridiculousness of it all - wanting to be with (Sweetie), but wanting her to sleep so I could do my own thing at my own pace.
I remember one evening in particular when, after a rough, no-nap day, my mom did watch (Sweetie) for us. I was excited to go out on a nice, grown-up dinner date with my husband but, as soon as dinner was over and he suggested that we go shopping, I was crying again because I had had my rest and now wanted to be with my daughter again!
Things have started to get better. She is 22 months old now – her own little person. I think I have finally gotten a handle on prioritizing - more or less. I find that I must get chores done immediately upon putting her down. Then by the time she settles herself into dreamland I can, perhaps, sit down too. I have tried it the other way but too many times I get so wrapped up in the luxury of my rest time that by the time I finally get up to do some real work, she's waking up and I'm mad at myself that "I never have the time to get work done in this place!"
Above any other lesson motherhood has taught me so far is this: learn to live life in 2 to 3 hour increments, letting the baby lead the way. Just go with the flow as best you can. She will tell you when and if you’ll get housework done or a rest in for yourself. And, if things don’t go as you had hoped they would, well – maybe “the boss” will appeal to your needs tomorrow… on second thought, better TiVo Oprah for the rest of the week and program that new Roomba I just got for my birthday. We’ve got many a board book to read and lots of play dates to keep.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Oh, the Humani-pee!
So we started potty training Sweetie in earnest today, after a huge fight to change her diaper this morning. I said, "Okay, then we'll just put you in big girl Dora panties and you'll learn to pee in the pot!"
(After all, we've been a little reluctant to train her because it's just so darn convenient for us to have her in diapers. However, yesterday we went to visit friends and, having just changed her, I didn't take along another diaper when we decided to leave the house for awhile. But after some time Sweetie was telling us she was wet and needed a diaper change. She NEVER tells us to change her, and her pants were in fact wet. So this was an instance where it would have been much more convenient if she knew how to use the potty.)
Anyway - now, six or so hours later - I give up. I would never have guessed in a million years just how many times in an hour this girl pees! I intended to have her try the potty every 20 minutes. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, she'd beat me to it and pee in her pants beforehand. Then, having her sit on the pot for several minutes more, just to make sure she was done, she'd never do anything. Not one pee on the potty, no matter how long I kept her there. At one point I decided she’d just stay on the potty for however long it took - even if it's an hour or more! Well, after sitting there for more than 1/2 hour with absolutely no action, and her contentment to stay was waning, I got her dressed. Not two minutes later, she was playing "barn" in the living room when she wet herself again!
After seven or more panty changes - I've had it. Training has started and ending today.
I talked to my mom about this (she was nice enough to buy a couple more packages of panties for Sweetie this morning and bring them over to us). She recommended that we just try again in another month. If she doesn't "get it" then, then wait another month more before trying again. One of these times she'll understand. Mom also reminded me that my niece didn't get potty trained until she was almost 3 1/2 years old - at which point she trained very easily.
Another reason today's attempt was so frustrating for me was because I see another obstacle to the process due to my disability. I realize now that I will not be able to pick her up and rush her to the bathroom if ever she's about to have an accident. She has to get there herself. And, as proven today, she's not so put off by feeling wet that she wants to get cleaned up right away. She was okay with sitting in her wet clothes until we noticed that she'd had an accident. Then we had to force her to go to the bathroom with us to change and try the potty. So she obviously doesn't get the urgency of the situation yet, so therefore isn't about to get herself to the potty on time.
If I had continued with the training today and on forward, she and I were going to have to go to my parents' house tomorrow and the next day (my days off from work) so I at least had an able-bodied adult to help me with the emergencies. But, as it stands, we're waiting.
But she is now strictly a Feel and Learn Pull-Ups girl from here on out. No more baby diapers in this household, that's for sure.
(After all, we've been a little reluctant to train her because it's just so darn convenient for us to have her in diapers. However, yesterday we went to visit friends and, having just changed her, I didn't take along another diaper when we decided to leave the house for awhile. But after some time Sweetie was telling us she was wet and needed a diaper change. She NEVER tells us to change her, and her pants were in fact wet. So this was an instance where it would have been much more convenient if she knew how to use the potty.)
Anyway - now, six or so hours later - I give up. I would never have guessed in a million years just how many times in an hour this girl pees! I intended to have her try the potty every 20 minutes. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, she'd beat me to it and pee in her pants beforehand. Then, having her sit on the pot for several minutes more, just to make sure she was done, she'd never do anything. Not one pee on the potty, no matter how long I kept her there. At one point I decided she’d just stay on the potty for however long it took - even if it's an hour or more! Well, after sitting there for more than 1/2 hour with absolutely no action, and her contentment to stay was waning, I got her dressed. Not two minutes later, she was playing "barn" in the living room when she wet herself again!
After seven or more panty changes - I've had it. Training has started and ending today.
I talked to my mom about this (she was nice enough to buy a couple more packages of panties for Sweetie this morning and bring them over to us). She recommended that we just try again in another month. If she doesn't "get it" then, then wait another month more before trying again. One of these times she'll understand. Mom also reminded me that my niece didn't get potty trained until she was almost 3 1/2 years old - at which point she trained very easily.
Another reason today's attempt was so frustrating for me was because I see another obstacle to the process due to my disability. I realize now that I will not be able to pick her up and rush her to the bathroom if ever she's about to have an accident. She has to get there herself. And, as proven today, she's not so put off by feeling wet that she wants to get cleaned up right away. She was okay with sitting in her wet clothes until we noticed that she'd had an accident. Then we had to force her to go to the bathroom with us to change and try the potty. So she obviously doesn't get the urgency of the situation yet, so therefore isn't about to get herself to the potty on time.
If I had continued with the training today and on forward, she and I were going to have to go to my parents' house tomorrow and the next day (my days off from work) so I at least had an able-bodied adult to help me with the emergencies. But, as it stands, we're waiting.
But she is now strictly a Feel and Learn Pull-Ups girl from here on out. No more baby diapers in this household, that's for sure.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Stunningly Cute
Boy, have I learned a lot about my disability since I've started writing this blog. In doing some research yesterday I discovered that people with spina bifida have a growth hormone deficiency - so that's why we tend to be of short stature. I always thought I was short because of my spine not being fully developed. After all, from the knees up, I'm proportionate in height to taller people - it's just from my knees down that I "stopped" growing.
If only I was given growth hormones when I was a kid. I could be a full 2 - 3 (or more) inches taller than I am now (5 ft.)!
"Do you know how stunningly beautiful I'd be if only I were taller?", I asked my husband. Now people call me cute - I wish I were stunning.
Sweet guy that he is, he said, "Yeah, but then someone else would have snatched you up before I came around and we would have never met. And there'd be no Sweetie."
No Sweetie? I can't even imagine it.
If only I was given growth hormones when I was a kid. I could be a full 2 - 3 (or more) inches taller than I am now (5 ft.)!
"Do you know how stunningly beautiful I'd be if only I were taller?", I asked my husband. Now people call me cute - I wish I were stunning.
Sweet guy that he is, he said, "Yeah, but then someone else would have snatched you up before I came around and we would have never met. And there'd be no Sweetie."
No Sweetie? I can't even imagine it.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Y'all Talk Back Now, Ya Hear!
Sweetie is fast approaching her 3rd birthday. Well, more so in attitude than in time, actually. With 2 months to go until the official day, she is certainly getting in her "Terrible Three's" practice time nice and early, so that by the time she actually hits the date she'll be a certified "Drama Queen". (I like that title - let's go with that. It's much better than "brat" or "Hell on wheels". After all, she's already got the hot pink shirt emblazed with the Drama Queen title right across her chest.)
So, what exactly is Sweetie doing lately to practice for her year of drama? Well, besides from her strong will and independent nature, for over a month now she's been telling people (Grammy, her cousins, me, whoever...) "Don't talk to me." "Don't look at me." and "Don't tell me." Whether or not said offenders are actually talking, looking or telling her anything, it doesn't matter.
I find she's particularly grumpy in the morning and/or right after a nap. I've also considered that it may be a jealousy thing when it comes to her attitude toward her one cousin in particular. My niece is currently living with my parents while she's at college. So Sweetie may be jealous of someone else taking Nana's attention away from her. Not that my niece demands that much attention or anything, but she's someone "new" in the house sometimes where there's usually only Sweetie and Nana
These are not excuses for her behavior, mind you. I'm just trying to work it out for myself what would possess my sweet little girl to start regularly talking back to people and being so contrary. I suppose I maybe can't reason it out - it's simply her age and the stage she's going through.
(Funny side note: at one point when I was visiting with my mom and niece, Sweetie started being rude. My mom tried to reassure me that Sweetie will get over herself in time and that this was just a phase. So, what does Sweetie do, but put her hands on her hips, stuck out her chin and informed her cousin that "It's just a phase, Abby. It's just a phase." In spite of ourselves, we all of course laughed. It's so difficult to teach about manners and not being rude when you're laughing at your child's defiant attitude and posturing. Ugh!)
Anyway, it turns out she's not just talking back to people. No, my daughter finds it necessary to tell both the songs on the radio and the commercials on T.V. that she doesn't want to do whatever they're suggesting either. For example, the new version of "Listen To Your Heart" recently played on our car radio as we were heading off somewhere. There Sweetie was in the back seat saying, "No, I don't want to listen to my heart!". And not just once, but every time that line repeated throughout the whole song. As for T.V. commercials, I can't think of a specific example right now, but I know she's plainly announced to the set on at least a couple occasions that she didn't want to buy or do whatever it was that was being advertised at the moment. My husband and I constantly have to remind her that "It's just a song, Sweetie." or "It's just a commercial - you don't have to do anything." But this doesn't seem to appease her. Again - ugh!
Sweetie is also very much in the "mine, mine, mine." frame of mind. When visiting friends recently, she was happily playing with the ride-on toy that they have for their 1 year old son. Whenever this little boy came over to her, though, Sweetie was all about "no, baby, this is mine!". NOT so cool at all. (What was somewhat interesting, though, was when this same little boy was looking at my walking stick, trying to figure out what it was, Sweetie quickly piped in her 2 cents that "No, baby, that's my mommy's stick. Don't touch mommy's stick." Cute that she was "sticking up for me", not cute that she felt it her business to be so bossy.)
So, what can we do? We've talked to her about good manners and sternly told her when she's being rude that she needs to be nice to people. We've also tried to ignore it, thinking not giving her any added attention over this might make her attitude quickly revert back to the sweet demeanor she usually has. And I've been looking for Veggie Tales videos and/or other children's shows that might discuss the importance of good behavior and being nice to others. But when all is said and done, I'm afraid I might have to just admit that this is in fact a phase she's going through and that she'll work through it in time.
I just hope she works through it sooner rather than later. I don't know if I can deal with a whole year of this 'tude.
So, what exactly is Sweetie doing lately to practice for her year of drama? Well, besides from her strong will and independent nature, for over a month now she's been telling people (Grammy, her cousins, me, whoever...) "Don't talk to me." "Don't look at me." and "Don't tell me." Whether or not said offenders are actually talking, looking or telling her anything, it doesn't matter.
I find she's particularly grumpy in the morning and/or right after a nap. I've also considered that it may be a jealousy thing when it comes to her attitude toward her one cousin in particular. My niece is currently living with my parents while she's at college. So Sweetie may be jealous of someone else taking Nana's attention away from her. Not that my niece demands that much attention or anything, but she's someone "new" in the house sometimes where there's usually only Sweetie and Nana
These are not excuses for her behavior, mind you. I'm just trying to work it out for myself what would possess my sweet little girl to start regularly talking back to people and being so contrary. I suppose I maybe can't reason it out - it's simply her age and the stage she's going through.
(Funny side note: at one point when I was visiting with my mom and niece, Sweetie started being rude. My mom tried to reassure me that Sweetie will get over herself in time and that this was just a phase. So, what does Sweetie do, but put her hands on her hips, stuck out her chin and informed her cousin that "It's just a phase, Abby. It's just a phase." In spite of ourselves, we all of course laughed. It's so difficult to teach about manners and not being rude when you're laughing at your child's defiant attitude and posturing. Ugh!)
Anyway, it turns out she's not just talking back to people. No, my daughter finds it necessary to tell both the songs on the radio and the commercials on T.V. that she doesn't want to do whatever they're suggesting either. For example, the new version of "Listen To Your Heart" recently played on our car radio as we were heading off somewhere. There Sweetie was in the back seat saying, "No, I don't want to listen to my heart!". And not just once, but every time that line repeated throughout the whole song. As for T.V. commercials, I can't think of a specific example right now, but I know she's plainly announced to the set on at least a couple occasions that she didn't want to buy or do whatever it was that was being advertised at the moment. My husband and I constantly have to remind her that "It's just a song, Sweetie." or "It's just a commercial - you don't have to do anything." But this doesn't seem to appease her. Again - ugh!
Sweetie is also very much in the "mine, mine, mine." frame of mind. When visiting friends recently, she was happily playing with the ride-on toy that they have for their 1 year old son. Whenever this little boy came over to her, though, Sweetie was all about "no, baby, this is mine!". NOT so cool at all. (What was somewhat interesting, though, was when this same little boy was looking at my walking stick, trying to figure out what it was, Sweetie quickly piped in her 2 cents that "No, baby, that's my mommy's stick. Don't touch mommy's stick." Cute that she was "sticking up for me", not cute that she felt it her business to be so bossy.)
So, what can we do? We've talked to her about good manners and sternly told her when she's being rude that she needs to be nice to people. We've also tried to ignore it, thinking not giving her any added attention over this might make her attitude quickly revert back to the sweet demeanor she usually has. And I've been looking for Veggie Tales videos and/or other children's shows that might discuss the importance of good behavior and being nice to others. But when all is said and done, I'm afraid I might have to just admit that this is in fact a phase she's going through and that she'll work through it in time.
I just hope she works through it sooner rather than later. I don't know if I can deal with a whole year of this 'tude.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
I was a Vegan/Whole Foods Pregnant Woman
My husband is a vegetarian. Well, he was, anyway. He mostly still is, but will now have some chicken on occasion. Anyway, when I met him I was a strictly meat-and-potatoes girl. There are not a whole bunch of veggies that I like to eat - in fact, I'm pretty picky in what I eat in general. But I was having more and more indigestion and "tummy troubles" some years back and he suggested that I at least try to eat like a vegetarian to see if that relieved my symptoms. So I converted, mostly. I'd still allow myself a McDonald's hamburger treat or my absolute favorite indulgence of a steak and cheese sub every once in awhile. But I have to admit - the better I ate, the better I felt. And whenever I did fall back into my meaty ways, I would really pay for it later in terms of my stomach pains - my system obviously didn't like me cheating my new diet.
My husband and I agreed, however, that once I became pregnant I would not only eat a strict vegetarian diet - I would eat a vegan/whole foods diet (no meat or dairy and the most organic, non-processed foods we could find). We wanted to do this for the health benefits to our baby. We knew we weren't starting out with great odds for her health because of my spina bifida. So we felt it was very important to do what we could to increase her chances for a healthy existence in any way we could.
We researched and met with a nutritionist to be absolutely certain we were okay to do this. After all, we wanted to help our baby, not deprive her of necessary nutrients and minerals. But our nutritionist assured us that we were wise to choose this pregnancy diet and that, with a little extra care in choosing appropriate foods and supplements, it was a perfectly safe - even preferable - way to go.
I remained on the vegan diet until Sweetie stopped breastfeeding - about 7 months old. Since she was still taking her nutrients directly from me, I wanted to be sure I ate healthily for as long as she needed me to. Once she stopped nursing, though, I began to slip further and further from the vegetarian path. Now we subscribe more to the whole foods diet more than anything else. That is, all three of us eat a wide variety of food options, from chicken, to cheese, to fruits, veggies, pasta and more - all as organic and non-processed as we can get.
We're very proud of all the different types of foods Sweetie is willing to try and often likes. Personally, I often feel that she doesn't eat enough food, but I know what she is eating is very healthy for her.
Anyway, I was doing some research tonight and found this informative article on vegetarian diets and pregnancy at BabyCenter.com. It's got a lot of good advice and guidelines to follow if you're interested in following this type of diet during your pregnancy. Happy eating!
My husband and I agreed, however, that once I became pregnant I would not only eat a strict vegetarian diet - I would eat a vegan/whole foods diet (no meat or dairy and the most organic, non-processed foods we could find). We wanted to do this for the health benefits to our baby. We knew we weren't starting out with great odds for her health because of my spina bifida. So we felt it was very important to do what we could to increase her chances for a healthy existence in any way we could.
We researched and met with a nutritionist to be absolutely certain we were okay to do this. After all, we wanted to help our baby, not deprive her of necessary nutrients and minerals. But our nutritionist assured us that we were wise to choose this pregnancy diet and that, with a little extra care in choosing appropriate foods and supplements, it was a perfectly safe - even preferable - way to go.
I remained on the vegan diet until Sweetie stopped breastfeeding - about 7 months old. Since she was still taking her nutrients directly from me, I wanted to be sure I ate healthily for as long as she needed me to. Once she stopped nursing, though, I began to slip further and further from the vegetarian path. Now we subscribe more to the whole foods diet more than anything else. That is, all three of us eat a wide variety of food options, from chicken, to cheese, to fruits, veggies, pasta and more - all as organic and non-processed as we can get.
We're very proud of all the different types of foods Sweetie is willing to try and often likes. Personally, I often feel that she doesn't eat enough food, but I know what she is eating is very healthy for her.
Anyway, I was doing some research tonight and found this informative article on vegetarian diets and pregnancy at BabyCenter.com. It's got a lot of good advice and guidelines to follow if you're interested in following this type of diet during your pregnancy. Happy eating!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Spina Bifida Awareness Month
October is National Spina Bifida Awareness Month. If you haven't already, click here to purchase your SB Awareness Wristbands today. Also, click here to read my latest parenting article at Audacity Magazine. Make sure to pass the word along about this fantastic webzine for disabled individuals and the audacious, courageous things we do!
Spina Bifida Pregnancy - Big Deal or Big Void?
Am I making way more of a big deal out of things than the situation actually warrants, or is there truly an incredible lack of information available for women with spina bifida seeking advice on pregnancy, labor and child care? Granted, my own pregnancy went smoothly and was handled very professionally by my doctors. But still - before I became pregnant it would have been nice to have at least been able to read some first-hand accounts of spina bifida pregnancies, or to read up on the latest research and scientific findings on the subject.
As I've written here before, I found no information of this sort available to me when my husband and I were considering pregnancy. Even my doctors - professionals who either specialized in spina bifida, bone structure and/or high risk pregnancies - were not able to give me and my husband any concrete answers to our questions regarding what a pregnancy would entail for me in my situation. I'm sure the fact that spina bifida is so multi-faceted - so different for each individual who has it - does not help to form any sweeping generalizations for any medical issue, least of all pregnancy and childbirth. But answers such as "sure you can have a baby - we'll just have to see as you progress what will happen" are not altogether comforting messages to process.
What did I find out back when I first became pregnant? Well, for starters, I was told by both my neurologist and OB/GYN (whom had discussed my case with each other) that I should remain on my Carbatrol anti-seizure medication throughout my entire pregnancy. The ill-affects to the fetus of having a seizure while pregnant, they told me, far outweighed the increased risk of disability to the baby as a result of the medication. Fine - both my doctors agreed and I knew that I would be closely followed throughout the pregnancy to see that my medication levels did not rise too high. And at 16 weeks gestation I would have a Level II ultrasound to check on the health of my baby. I trusted the decision and stayed on the Carbatrol.
But you know what's now disturbing? I now see a new neurologist whom I love and he has agreed to monitor me as I go off of my medication altogether. He said, though, that if I had decided to remain on the Carbatrol and if I then decided to have another baby, he would highly recommend that I switch to a different anti-seizure medication for the duration of the pregnancy. If I recall correctly, he said Carbatrol carried the greatest risk of spina bifida occurrence in fetuses. Hmmmm. VERY interesting. I knew I never really liked my previous doctor and that both my husband and I found him to be old fashioned and highly conservative in his medical thinking. Let's just say that this new information from my current neurologist doesn't do anything at all to improve my opinion of my previous doctor.
Anyway, I also was told that I should remain on my 4000 mcgs of folic acid that I had already been taking for the previous couple of years. The average woman with no history of birth defect in her family should take 400 mcgs/day of folic acid in order to decrease the risk of neural tube defects for her baby. But a woman with a family history of birth defect - or who has the defect herself - is to take the prescription dosage of 4000 mcgs/day to ward against spina bifida and other neural tube defects. I never had any disagreement with this decision and was happy to do what I could to increase the chances of having a healthy baby.
My OB/GYN also kept close tabs on me in terms of UTI's. Women with spina bifida are more apt to suffer from UTI's during pregnancy than healthy women. So, every time I went in for my OB/GYN appointments, I was tested to see if I had developed a UTI. Fortunately, I never did and I remained in general good health throughout the entire pregnancy.
Well, you can read more details of my pregnancy and delivery in previous blog postings here, but suffice it to say, it really all went very well. But that's just me. I've since heard from other women with spina bifida who have had very different experiences in pregnancy and childbirth from my own - both better and much worse.
It's high time there were some published studies done on the effects of pregnancy in women with spina bifida - even if it doesn't prove anything earth-shatteringly surprising. But maybe it would. Both outcomes would be interesting to discovery, I think. Just having some legitimate information out there for interested women to read, perhaps enabling them to feel more comfortable with what may lie ahead for them in their journey towards pregnancy and childbirth would be a wonderful thing.
As I've written here before, I found no information of this sort available to me when my husband and I were considering pregnancy. Even my doctors - professionals who either specialized in spina bifida, bone structure and/or high risk pregnancies - were not able to give me and my husband any concrete answers to our questions regarding what a pregnancy would entail for me in my situation. I'm sure the fact that spina bifida is so multi-faceted - so different for each individual who has it - does not help to form any sweeping generalizations for any medical issue, least of all pregnancy and childbirth. But answers such as "sure you can have a baby - we'll just have to see as you progress what will happen" are not altogether comforting messages to process.
What did I find out back when I first became pregnant? Well, for starters, I was told by both my neurologist and OB/GYN (whom had discussed my case with each other) that I should remain on my Carbatrol anti-seizure medication throughout my entire pregnancy. The ill-affects to the fetus of having a seizure while pregnant, they told me, far outweighed the increased risk of disability to the baby as a result of the medication. Fine - both my doctors agreed and I knew that I would be closely followed throughout the pregnancy to see that my medication levels did not rise too high. And at 16 weeks gestation I would have a Level II ultrasound to check on the health of my baby. I trusted the decision and stayed on the Carbatrol.
But you know what's now disturbing? I now see a new neurologist whom I love and he has agreed to monitor me as I go off of my medication altogether. He said, though, that if I had decided to remain on the Carbatrol and if I then decided to have another baby, he would highly recommend that I switch to a different anti-seizure medication for the duration of the pregnancy. If I recall correctly, he said Carbatrol carried the greatest risk of spina bifida occurrence in fetuses. Hmmmm. VERY interesting. I knew I never really liked my previous doctor and that both my husband and I found him to be old fashioned and highly conservative in his medical thinking. Let's just say that this new information from my current neurologist doesn't do anything at all to improve my opinion of my previous doctor.
Anyway, I also was told that I should remain on my 4000 mcgs of folic acid that I had already been taking for the previous couple of years. The average woman with no history of birth defect in her family should take 400 mcgs/day of folic acid in order to decrease the risk of neural tube defects for her baby. But a woman with a family history of birth defect - or who has the defect herself - is to take the prescription dosage of 4000 mcgs/day to ward against spina bifida and other neural tube defects. I never had any disagreement with this decision and was happy to do what I could to increase the chances of having a healthy baby.
My OB/GYN also kept close tabs on me in terms of UTI's. Women with spina bifida are more apt to suffer from UTI's during pregnancy than healthy women. So, every time I went in for my OB/GYN appointments, I was tested to see if I had developed a UTI. Fortunately, I never did and I remained in general good health throughout the entire pregnancy.
Well, you can read more details of my pregnancy and delivery in previous blog postings here, but suffice it to say, it really all went very well. But that's just me. I've since heard from other women with spina bifida who have had very different experiences in pregnancy and childbirth from my own - both better and much worse.
It's high time there were some published studies done on the effects of pregnancy in women with spina bifida - even if it doesn't prove anything earth-shatteringly surprising. But maybe it would. Both outcomes would be interesting to discovery, I think. Just having some legitimate information out there for interested women to read, perhaps enabling them to feel more comfortable with what may lie ahead for them in their journey towards pregnancy and childbirth would be a wonderful thing.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Okay, So Maybe Not So Much Success
Well, Sweetie's sleeping soundly right now, all cuddled up with Teddy, Bunny and Winnie - in her crib. Yes, she's back in her caged walls, for now. After this weekend (when she'll be spending an overnight at Nana and Papa's anyway), then we'll give the big girl bed another shot.
It's all the fault of a spider. A daddy long legs, to be exact, that she saw a few nights back after we tucked her into her bed. She told me she saw a spider, but I thought she was looking across the room and I didn't see it myself. After another minute she said again, with much more concern in her voice and fear in her eyes, that there was a spider. I could see now that she was looking at her bed rails, but at my first glance here I still didn't see the offending creature. Then, right there in front of my face, I saw it. And it scared me. And I screamed. And so did Sweetie.
Well, that was it for her. I took care of the daddy long legs and told Sweetie everything was all better - it wouldn't bother her again. But she was still scared. She didn't want me to leave her side to go turn off the light, nor did she want me to merely sit at her bedside until she fell asleep. No, she wanted me to "sleep around next to me, Mommy, and hold my tummy with two hands."
I should have done this. I should have recognized that her spider fear set her back a few notches in her strides toward successfully staying in bed by herself. I should have comforted her better and stayed with her as she wanted. But I didn't. I was insistant that she either accept that I was only going to sit next to her for awhile or I was going to put her in her crib. Because the crib won out.
Then the next night, when Daddy took her to bed and he asked her where she wanted to sleep, she said her crib. And he accepted that (much more easily than I would have, mind you. I would have questioned her more, arguing that she at least try her bed first).
So here we are now - with Sweetie consistently chosing her crib over her bed. Oh well. Like I said, come next week we'll start again at square one and see how well she does. Pray for no more spider.
It's all the fault of a spider. A daddy long legs, to be exact, that she saw a few nights back after we tucked her into her bed. She told me she saw a spider, but I thought she was looking across the room and I didn't see it myself. After another minute she said again, with much more concern in her voice and fear in her eyes, that there was a spider. I could see now that she was looking at her bed rails, but at my first glance here I still didn't see the offending creature. Then, right there in front of my face, I saw it. And it scared me. And I screamed. And so did Sweetie.
Well, that was it for her. I took care of the daddy long legs and told Sweetie everything was all better - it wouldn't bother her again. But she was still scared. She didn't want me to leave her side to go turn off the light, nor did she want me to merely sit at her bedside until she fell asleep. No, she wanted me to "sleep around next to me, Mommy, and hold my tummy with two hands."
I should have done this. I should have recognized that her spider fear set her back a few notches in her strides toward successfully staying in bed by herself. I should have comforted her better and stayed with her as she wanted. But I didn't. I was insistant that she either accept that I was only going to sit next to her for awhile or I was going to put her in her crib. Because the crib won out.
Then the next night, when Daddy took her to bed and he asked her where she wanted to sleep, she said her crib. And he accepted that (much more easily than I would have, mind you. I would have questioned her more, arguing that she at least try her bed first).
So here we are now - with Sweetie consistently chosing her crib over her bed. Oh well. Like I said, come next week we'll start again at square one and see how well she does. Pray for no more spider.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Get The Word Out
I've spent a good deal of time both last night and today searching for ways to make my blog more user friendly and accessible. I've just registered with several blog search engines, so hopefully this will get this site more recognition and more traffic. I've also added a link to Blog Top Sites on my sidebar, where I've registered and can now have my readers rate my site. Please click on over today and tell me what you think! Finally, I am going to make a concerted effort to write more not only about my daily doings with Sweetie, but also about more spina bifida/pregnancy/child care related information as well. After all, that's why I established this blog - to give other women and men with spina bifida a friendly resource for answering all their pregnancy and childcare related questions.
I love writing this blog, but do sometimes feel that I stray from my initial purpose. Then again, one main point I'm trying to make through my blog is that I'm not very different from other able-bodied mothers out there. My Sweetie puts me through all the typical trials and joys that most other little ones put their own mothers through. Sweetie doesn't care about my spina bifida or that I'm not physically able to do some things for her - we just make the best of the situations that arise. That being said, I know my readers would really appreciate any concrete information I can pass on regarding pregnancy, labor and delivery for women with spina bifida, as well as information on adapting to the daily childcare needs of your healthy child.
To that end, I also spent some time on-line this morning researching anything spina bifida/pregnancy/childcare related. And again, I was disappointed to find more information about raising kids with SB than information about the parent having it. Don't get me wrong - it's absolutely terrific that there's so much out there for parents who are raising children with spina bifida. But what happens when those children grow up to be adults who want to get married, have successful careers and start families? There's a serious lack of information for SB adults, and that's just pitiful.
In short, I want to write about what you want me to write about. Please don't hesitate to contact me - either through my comments, the comment board at Blog Top Sites, my message board or personal email - and tell me what's on your mind. I'd love to fill you in on how I've handled any specific parenting and/or pregnancy challenge - just let me know what issues you'd like me to focus on.
In the mean time, yes, I'll continue to write my typical ramblings on raising my Sweetie. We have a ton of fun together and she's always got something new and interesting to say and do. Just know that you can start to look for more frequently updated posts with more informative/resource-oriented entries. My goal is to make this one of the top resource blogs of its kind. Together, with your help (both in topic choices and simply getting the word out about my existence) we can make this happen!
As always, thanks for reading!
I love writing this blog, but do sometimes feel that I stray from my initial purpose. Then again, one main point I'm trying to make through my blog is that I'm not very different from other able-bodied mothers out there. My Sweetie puts me through all the typical trials and joys that most other little ones put their own mothers through. Sweetie doesn't care about my spina bifida or that I'm not physically able to do some things for her - we just make the best of the situations that arise. That being said, I know my readers would really appreciate any concrete information I can pass on regarding pregnancy, labor and delivery for women with spina bifida, as well as information on adapting to the daily childcare needs of your healthy child.
To that end, I also spent some time on-line this morning researching anything spina bifida/pregnancy/childcare related. And again, I was disappointed to find more information about raising kids with SB than information about the parent having it. Don't get me wrong - it's absolutely terrific that there's so much out there for parents who are raising children with spina bifida. But what happens when those children grow up to be adults who want to get married, have successful careers and start families? There's a serious lack of information for SB adults, and that's just pitiful.
In short, I want to write about what you want me to write about. Please don't hesitate to contact me - either through my comments, the comment board at Blog Top Sites, my message board or personal email - and tell me what's on your mind. I'd love to fill you in on how I've handled any specific parenting and/or pregnancy challenge - just let me know what issues you'd like me to focus on.
In the mean time, yes, I'll continue to write my typical ramblings on raising my Sweetie. We have a ton of fun together and she's always got something new and interesting to say and do. Just know that you can start to look for more frequently updated posts with more informative/resource-oriented entries. My goal is to make this one of the top resource blogs of its kind. Together, with your help (both in topic choices and simply getting the word out about my existence) we can make this happen!
As always, thanks for reading!
One Down, One To Go
Well, everyone, we have success! Sweetie has been sleeping in her "big girl bed" since last Sunday night. 2 or 3 of those nights have been complete successes, spending the entire night in her bed. The other nights have seen her waking up in the middle of the night and either wanting to spend the rest of her sleep time in "mommy and daddy's bed" or back in her "baby crib". And one night when she woke up around 1am she actually wanted to be tucked back into her bed, but have me stay with her for awhile. Not being a work night, I agreed and actually fell asleep until she woke me up around 6:45 am.
Each night this week when we put her to bed, I've stayed with her until she's fallen asleep - either lying next to her in the bed or sitting on the small hassock beside her. Most of the time I've found that within 40 or so minutes she has stopped squirming and talking to me and she falls asleep. Last night, though, she fell asleep within 15 minutes. She didn't get a nap yesterday and instead spent the entire day running around with other kids at a Welcome Autumn party we went to at our friends' house. Thus, the quick transition into dreamland.
Nap times, however, are still spent in her crib. I tried to lie down with her last Monday for her nap but, what with the daytime light still streaming into her room, she wasn't able to settle down and rest while I was there. And she wasn't about to stay tucked in all by herself once I left the room either. So in the crib she went. But this is a decent trade off to make, I think. Nap time is crib time, while bedtime is bed time. Makes sense to me.
Now for the potty training. I've had enough fights with her over diaper changing time. It's time to get this show on the road.
Each night this week when we put her to bed, I've stayed with her until she's fallen asleep - either lying next to her in the bed or sitting on the small hassock beside her. Most of the time I've found that within 40 or so minutes she has stopped squirming and talking to me and she falls asleep. Last night, though, she fell asleep within 15 minutes. She didn't get a nap yesterday and instead spent the entire day running around with other kids at a Welcome Autumn party we went to at our friends' house. Thus, the quick transition into dreamland.
Nap times, however, are still spent in her crib. I tried to lie down with her last Monday for her nap but, what with the daytime light still streaming into her room, she wasn't able to settle down and rest while I was there. And she wasn't about to stay tucked in all by herself once I left the room either. So in the crib she went. But this is a decent trade off to make, I think. Nap time is crib time, while bedtime is bed time. Makes sense to me.
Now for the potty training. I've had enough fights with her over diaper changing time. It's time to get this show on the road.
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