No Fine Girls Just Ugly Faces

Sweetie has a problem. In turn, Hubby and I have a problem.

Sweetie's attitude problem, that is.

Sweetie's attitude is like a whole separate creature. A creature that takes over she who is possessed and turns her into a drama queen extraordinaire. 

And with the attitude? The Face.

The Ugly Face. Bottom lip turned outward. Cruel eyebrows. Angry eyes.

Oh, how many times we and other family members have told Sweetie to stop with the Ugly Faces. 

And the arms. The crossed armed/tilted-hips thing. That's got to go as well. And she's been told as much. Several times.

If something is not going Sweetie's way - and let me tell you, things very rarely seem to be going her way, at least in her eyes - out comes The Face and The Arms and The Stance. 

And with all that, there is no doubt - Sweetie IS NOT AMUSED.

Luckily, I am beginning to see the bare minimum inching away from Evil Attitude/Body Altering Girl. She's beginning - ever so slowly - to voice her displeasure.

What? You think this would only add to the disturbing experience that is Disturbed Girl? Well, you'd be right if her vocalization presented itself in shrieks, whines or mumbles. (Oh, and don't let me fool ya - there certainly can be a fair amount of all of that). BUT, what I'm talking about is that Sweetie is actually starting to express her displeasure constructively.

I'm angry with you, Mama. (Daddy, cousins, friends, the cats, whomever....)

Yay! Words! I can work with words! 

Of course, like I said, Sweetie seems only to be ever. so. slowly. inching her way toward constructive vocalization. But she's doing it. She's trying. I can see it and I know she's working hard. And because of that, I am proud of her.

When Sweetie is out and about - say, at a large family gathering - and suddenly comes running to us with tears down her face and wails coming from her mouth, I always ask her straight off:

Are you hurt or are you mad?

If she's hurt - fine. She did something that caused her pain (albeit most likely not as much pain as her screams would imply...), she's most likely scared, and she needs comforting. I get the tears. Still - we can assess any damages quickly and assure her that all is well - no need for tears anymore. Go back and play.

But if she responds that she's mad, well then... Good for her that she's using her words. Let's talk about what happened and see if whatever injustices allegedly took place can be righted. Most often there is precious little evidence that something truly maddening has transpired (maddening to a 5 year old? Obviously. But actually deserving of angry feeling for the typical sane human being? Rarely). So we sit with her, calm her down, and give her some time to collect herself and decide whether she can go back to doing whatever she was doing or move on to another distraction.

So - 'yes" to the useful, constructive words. "No" to the body language. 

Your body's overt display of anger is not helping us get anywhere close to resolving the source of your unhappiness, Sweetie. Words do help.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Mama Monday #34.1

Theme: Extreme

Hi, and welcome to the third month anniversary of my work lay-off. Yee haw!

On Friday, late afternoon, I was scared. And upset. I didn't know what to do or how to proceed. I thought I had few to no options in terms of health insurance for Hubby and I.

On Saturday I was even more concerned. Now the company I turned to for Sweetie's coverage was telling me - via a letter in my snail mail - they didn't have all the paperwork they needed from me to process the application. And I only had a few days to get everything to them.

Great. Now we're all in a pickle. A much more urgent and specific pickle, at that. Suddenly, the thing that must absolutely happen practically immediately is my finding a job. A full time job. A good job with benefits for my whole family. And those benefits must kick in right away. Otherwise, we're potentially looking at a whole bunch of problems. Maybe not for Hubby and Sweetie so much. But for me. My "pre-existing condition", if left uninsured for any length of time, may create a hurdle in my application for group insurance once I am gainfully employed.

So that part-time job I just applied for? The one I worked so hard to get my application packet in within a timely manner? The one that seems so interesting to me? The one that's only downfall is its part-time hours, but that's okay - it's work I would potentially love? Yeah - well, I can just forget about that. No benefits = no chance I can even consider taking it. (Not that I've even been called in for an interview at this point, mind you. But you know... Thinking ahead....)

Then I got in contact with another insurance agent. An agent that works for a company that specifically helps people with "pre-existing conditions" find affordable insurance. He'll be speaking with Hubby and I tomorrow, going over all our options. He'll have info on plans suitable just for me, ones that would include both Hubby and I, and even plans for all three of us. He understands my timing issues. He's very confident that he can find a suitable plan for us and get everything turned around quickly, leaving no gap in coverage for any of us. Great!

I've also since talked to the rep at the organization I'm dealing with for Sweetie's insurance coverage. Turns out that letter was sent to me in error. They have everything the need to process the application. Still, it may take over a month before a decision is made there. So perhaps going with a family plan will be our best, and quickest option after all.

Now I can be hopeful that maybe, just maybe, I will be contacted for an interview for that part time position. And now I can be excited for my full time job interview I have scheduled tomorrow. Not because I feel an urgent need that I HAVE TO get this job. But simply because it honestly seems like a very interesting job that would keep me engaged, keeping me busy doing fascinating work.

One day despair, doom and gloom. The next, completely at ease and looking forward to a world of great possibilities.

No, it's sure not fun to be on the gloomy side of the scale. But without the despair, you can't appreciate the hopeful side quite so readily.

Enjoy the extremes of life! It's all good. It all makes us stronger. It all keeps us real, keeps us focused, and keeps us moving forward.

Sweetie Saturday #117 - Other People's Funnies Edition

Sweetie's latest favorite phrase is - that is - used to clarify whatever statement she just made.

How old are you, Sweetie?

I'm 5! And I'm going to Kindergarten! ...Well, I will go to Kindergarten in the fall, that is.

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The other day, late afternoon, I was sitting at our kitchen table, talking to Hubby about one thing or another. Sweetie was milling around - playing with her refrigerator words or something. 

Anyway - the shirt I was wearing that day happened to want to list to the side all the time, therefore baring my shoulder and revealing my bra strap.

So I was sitting there, talking to Hubby, when Sweetie wordlessly took notice of my skewed shirt, and calmly, silently came to my "rescue" and straightened me out. This odd moment prompted Hubby to make the following proclamation using his best announcer voice:

(Sweetie B.) - bringing modesty to the household since 5:10 p.m.

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During another evening time discussion with Hubby - again with Sweetie in the adjoining-yet-somewhat-distant dining room area - I was attempting to tell him about a humorous passage in the book I'm currently reading: Just Do It. Given the subject matter of this book, I was trying to keep my voice low and choose innocuous words that Sweetie either wouldn't understand or that would completely blow by her - IF she happened to be listening, which I was relatively sure she wasn't. Like I said, she was in the other room and seemingly very involved in whatever art project she was working on.

Now I honestly don't remember what I was going to say to Hubby entirely, as Sweetie didn't even allow me to complete my statement. But I do remember that I ended up having to use the words "porn convention" (which Sweetie - as far as I know - didn't catch) followed closely by the word "swag".

Swag - that's a fun word to say! Especially if it's a word you've never heard before. Especially if you love all sorts of words. Especially if you're a keenly observant Sweetie.

Swaaag?!! What does swag mean?! Swag?!

That's when Hubby and I started laughing and I just didn't feel comfortable continuing with the story.

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Sweetie was playing outside last weekend, "helping" Daddy water some plants in the garden. But then the neighbor girls came over and all bets were off - Sweetie was no longer Farmer Girl. It was playtime.

I came outside shortly thereafter, to enjoy the sun and just to be with my family. Sweetie and the girls were skipping around our backyard trying to come up with something to play. 

Then Sweetie had a revelation! She excitedly suggested, as if this thought just miraculously popped into her head for the first time ever:

I know! Let's play Super (Sweetie)!

A dejected sigh came from the girls.

Aaaahhh! No. We ALWAYS play Super (Sweetie).

That's when I made my own suggestion.

Yeah, Sweetie. You guys do always play Super (Sweetie). Why don't you play Super K____ or Super H______ instead?

To which K_____ wholeheartedly agreed.

Yeah! Let's play Super K_____! I haven't played Super K______ since (we lived in) Colorado! Then H______ and I always played Super K______ a lot!

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So do you want to know the name of the evil villain who rules over all the Super Sweetie stories?

And.

You read that right. The villain's name is And. 

I don't get it either.

But he (?) she (?) it (?) was named by the same Sweetie who named her reflection (or other various renderings of herself) Rubberband. And, yes, she still sees Rubberband all the time. She especially likes to say hi to Rubberband whenever we enter a grocery or retail store with security cameras hanging from the ceiling when you first walk in the door. 

Hey - I never claimed she was a normal child. But I'm not saying she's weird either. Just very, VERY creative.

And that's a very good thing. So there. :)-

The Teacher Becomes The Student

I've realized something quite peculiar about Sweetie over the last year or so:

She likes to do age appropriate things.

Huh? What is that you're saying? You don't find that very peculiar? Hmmmpph. Well, I guess you're right. Whatever.

It's just that when, say, Hubby and I are Christmas shopping for her or sitting down to watch something on T.V. with her, he and I tend to look at various kid-related items and say things like:

That's too young for Sweetie... Sweetie would be so bored with that... That show is so babyish.... Sweetie totally already knows how to do all that!... Sweetie could read that book to us and be done with it in 10 seconds flat... Yes, the packaging says it's for her age group but, come on! Our Sweetie is way beyond that!... Kids toys these days: companies sure are aiming for the lowest common denominator here...

And activity books? Forget about it! Sweetie is so much more qualified to work in the 1st grade books than the Kindergarten or Pre-School books. The girl's known how to spell her name since the age of 2! Geesh!

So we tend to pick things for her in the age range right above hers - at least. She's 5 now, so we'll get her this science kit that's for 6-8 year olds.  That's a baby's board book - she doesn't read board books! I'd rather get this picture book about this little girl's adventures and imagination exploration. This Dora cartoon or Blue's Clues episode is so basic! Let's watch Word Girl instead. Or Design Squad! Yeah! Design Squad is great!

And, yes, Sweetie does tend to like the gifts she's given. Not over-the-moon/jumping-out-of-her-skin excited, usually. But very happy nonetheless. 

HOWEVER... given the opportunity to choose things on her own, I've seen her choose the younger child's items over and over again.

We went to the library last week and she picked out an Arthur board book.

She always wants to watch Blue's Clues videos.

And, while she does like to play all sorts of board games, I've seen her opt for Chutes and Ladders or Candyland more often than not. 

And then this activity book arrived in our mailbox:

Uhhh... we've gotten School Zone activity books for her before, and she did enjoy them. But.. an activity book for 3-5 year olds?! About the alphabet?! Oh, no. Sweetie is not going to be interested in this. Uh uh.

Well color me a fool because - guess what?! - Sweetie absolutely devoured this book, seriously attacking each page of her work book with a studiously solemn tone. 

She read all the directions for herself and did what was asked of her.

(Alright, so she didn't really follow the directions very well for the right hand activity above. Moving on....)

(Note Sweetie's crossing out of the instructions which guide her to color the pictures. Sweetie claims coloring to be too boring).

(Sweetie filled in this certificate without any help at all - even her last name - and was very proud to show me her reward for a job well done).

Because Sweetie was able to read this all herself and because many of the activities were a bit tricker than my first impression led me to believe, both Sweetie and I were thoroughly satisfied with all she did and learned in the marathon 3 days it took her to finish the book. 

Sweetie also received a School Zone math workbook suitable for the Pre-School and Kindergarten set, and she's enjoyed doing those activities as well (although, I admit, not with as much gusto as she conquered the above work book).

To top off the whole package, Sweetie got a brand new T-shirt that she absolutely loves and is so excited to wear on her upcoming first day of Kindergarten.

Kindergarten Rocks! Sweetie knows it... Sweetie embraces it.... and, with the help of School Zone activity books and VeriMeri clothing, she's very much prepared for it.

And me? I've learned my lesson too: Let Sweetie be. Let her play at the activities, watch the shows and read the books she's most interested in. Because her enthusiasm for the given item is what's most important. It drives her to strive further, question more, and work more independently to get things done well.

I knew the above to be true as a basic rule for all students, given all the tutoring I've done over the years. I just needed some reminding in terms of how this applies to Sweetie as well. 

Mama Monday #33.1

Theme: Little



Amazing how such a little Christmas stocking stuffer can consume such a huge amount of space in terms of Sweetie's time, concentration and entertainment.

Sweetie Saturday #116 - Hard-Headed Edition

So I'm sure Sweetie said some hilarious things this week. I know she did, because I remember laughing. But, uh... I don't remember what she said that made me laugh so much.

Well, I did write down one funny thing she said. But when I went back to reread it, it just wasn't as funny anymore.

That made me realize that it's a good possibility that lots of what I write here at Sweetie Saturday is a heck of a lot funnier to me - and possibly my friends and family who actually know Sweetie - than to the majority of my readers. Sorry about that.

But I will tell you this - and I imagine you can at least appreciate the following and how similar activities play out in your own homes...

I love my morning routine with Sweetie.

She's always told she can come to our room at 7 or 8 a.m. And so most of the time that translates into 7:00 a.m. exactly. As if she's been awake in her room for a long time, just waiting for her large digital clock to switch to 7:00. But lately, we've seen a few days at the other extreme. Days when she doesn't come into my room until 8:00 a.m. or even later. I think earlier this week I didn't see her until 8:20. That was awesome!

No matter when she comes in to greet me, she's always full of energy and happily wishes me a Good Morning, Mama. And then she climbs in my bed and cuddles with me, quietly allowing me a few more minutes of rest before she starts asking me to get up.

When I do get up. Sweetie goes out to our upstairs "red room" (a den-like area) and turns on the T.V. there, settling into her Winnie-The-Pooh chair and watching PBS children's programming until I'm dressed and ready to go downstairs.

Then we do just that - head downstairs. This is when Sweetie races around to the kitchen the long way, while I take the more direct route. She's in charge of getting her morning breakfast bar while I prepare her chocolate milk. In the meantime, Sweetie has already made it back to the living room where she's straightened the couch pillows and turned on the light (should I ever happen to get downstairs before her, I am NOT to turn on any lights or the T.V. That is her job! Yes, she's stubborn as all get out. But I understand stubborn, as it's my trait as well. Plus, it's just she and I in these cases. I prefer to abide by her silly rules rather than cause a tantrum by doing things wrong). Sweetie has also positioned herself just so, allowing me enough room to squeeze into my corner of the couch.

I turn on the T.V. Sweetie drinks her milk while cuddling with me. Then she asks me to please open her breakfast bar - being careful that I open it from the correct end, so as not to rip the picture of her fruit friend on the packaging.

Just a few more minutes of cuddling and then I'm up and over to the computer, to the kitchen, to the laundry room - whatever. Our day is about to get started in earnest.

But that quiet little while to start our day is really nice...

... until this morning, that is, when Sweetie climbed into bed with me and, in attempting to settle down comfortably (with me moving around at the same time to compensate for her presence), proceeded to headbutt me. The back of her head met the front right of my head - just by my eyebrow - with a mighty clunk.

Ouch. Major. For both of us. I think I'm actually going to end up with a black eye. 

Warning: two hard-headed women are a dangerous combination in almost every situation. Be careful out there...

Happy. Content. Not Complacent

Life is good. I feel good. I'm no longer stressed. I'm no longer concerned. Things are as they are meant to be for me and my family at this time.

Nothing has changed in terms of my state of employment or lack thereof. I continue to look and I continue to put my best self forward in order to find the best fit for me. I simply have relaxed in my outlook. And I've made some important discoveries and realizations.

I've applied for reasonably priced health insurance for myself and Hubby.

I've applied for even more reasonably priced health insurance for Sweetie.

I've filled out unemployment compensation forms which, if approved, will continue to provide sufficient income for me for many, many weeks - if need be.

I've done what I can to secure my family's current financial and insurance needs. I am happy.

I am thoroughly enjoying my time with Sweetie. Yes, we've driven each other crazy on more than a few occasions. Yes, I still struggle with balancing my own daily needs combined with Sweetie's daily desires to spend time with me. But for the most part, we have developed quite a nice little situation. Working from my home yet being available and ready for any of Sweetie's whimsies feels good and right. At least for now. I am content.

Hubby and I are reconnecting. We're talking more. Playing more. Laughing more. Understanding more. Relating more. We both are happy. We both are content.

And as for that job search - like I said, I'm still actively at it. I check the online job postings every morning and a few times throughout the day. I apply to certain jobs that catch my eye, that make me feel something, that I feel I would both love to do and would perform well. But I no longer sit, stare and sweat about finding the job, knowing full well that when I'm ready for it, it will be there for me to grab. Nor do I feel compelled to find any job just to have a steady income. I do not want just any job. That has always been the case and that remains the case. I will not settle. I will not be complacent. Not in my search for employment. And not in terms of accepting employment just anywhere.

Everything is good. I am not lost, nor are my goals, faith and dreams. Because I know I'm here. And I will find and be found for the right situation at the right time. 

I'm Happy. I'm Content. I Will Never Be Complacent.

Mama Monday #32.1

Theme: Once

Princess (Sweetie) And Friends

As told, and drawn by, Sweetie

Once upon a time there was a princess named (Sweetie).

And it was a snowy day so she said "brrr". And she got stuck in the dirty snow.

So she waited...

... and waited...

... and waited.

(imagine about 20 more pages worth of waiting...)

...until she got to the house and got snow clothes and a shovel so she went outside to clean the road and she also built snowmen.

And then, when she was done digging, she digged a whole garden. And Daddy was the gardener. And they all lived happily ever after at night.

The end.

Sweetie Saturday #115

I have to put my shoes on, Mama, so when I run around, I won't stubborn my toes.

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Hubby and I are now reading The Magic Treehouse series to Sweetie at bedtime. We've finished the first book and, earlier this week, Hubby started the second one - The Knight at Dawn.

Well, you know Sweetie and her love of homophones! So we thought we could really impress her with telling her the difference between Knight and Night. But we asked her first if she knew the difference.

Yep. She knew the definition of Night just fine. And as for Knight? Easy peasy!

That's a metal man!

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Speaking of The Magic Treehouse stories - Sweetie received the first four books as a gift at her half birthday party. Her friend I____ from pre-school gave them to her. His mom told me how much I____ loves these stories, and she knows that Sweetie and he would often play adventures together at school. So she thought Sweetie would really love them too.

Well, no surprise - Sweetie does love them!

Just as she and I were starting the first pages of the first book and we learned that we were going to hear the story of siblings Jack and Annie, Sweetie turned to me and asked,

Oh! So this is a Jack and Annie story?

Yes, I guess so. What do you mean? What do you know about Jack and Annie stories?

Nothing. It's just that whenever I____ and I played outside at school, we'd play that we were Jack and Annie.

Huh? How about that?

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So the Jack and Annie inspired play at school was obviously all I____'s idea, since Sweetie didn't yet know the wonders of The Magic Treehouse books. But Sweetie sure has more than her fair share of play direction closer to home.

Every time she comes home from playing with K_____ and H_____, the girls across the street, I ask her what they played. The answer is almost always Super (Sweetie). Then Sweetie proceeds to tell me the whole story of what Super (Sweetie) did, who she saved, and what evil person she took care of.

At one point I had to ask:

Don't you ever play Super K______ or Super H_______?

(without even skipping a beat, Sweetie answers:)

No.

No. Of course not.

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Speaking of Super Sweetie and the neighbors - Hubby and Sweetie went out to see the Forth of July fireworks display our neighbor's set off in celebration of the holiday.

At one point a beautiful display went off, but was blocked by the surrounding trees. All the neighbor kids and their parents told Sweetie to run to an open spot for a better view.

Run! they said. Run fast like Super (Sweetie)!

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I love the way Sweetie says the word curious. The way she pronounces it, it sounds much more like this - kyearious. 

She's also been telling us lately how clever we are.

Ooh. Good move, (in the game) Mama. Very clever. Very, very clever.

You're very clever too, Super Sweetie. We love your great kyeariosity. 

I've Got A Secret...

... and it's not a happy one, I'm afraid.

Pssst... Come close... closer... good. Here goes....

The the family across the street - with all those girls Sweetie has befriended - is moving. Next month. Down south.

Ouch.

I know this, as the mom told me a few weeks ago shortly (I assume) after they found out themselves. But Sweetie doesn't know this. 

At least I don't think she knows.

Unless the girls themselves have mentioned to Sweetie about their impending move (something that family is very used to - they've moved many times over the years, all - I think - related to the dad's line of work), then she doesn't know. I haven't told her.

And I don't know how I'm going to tell her. Or when.

Because, you know? Sweetie loves these girls! She is almost constantly on the lookout for them. Any slight movement out our windows or giggling noises wafting from across the street, and Sweetie is right there. Stopping whatever activity she's currently engrossed in, and asking - nay, pleading - to be allowed to go play with them.

But soon, they're moving away. And Sweetie, I fear, will be crushed.

How do I tell her that her friends are moving? She hasn't known anyone to move anywhere yet. Will she even understand the full extent of what it means to move away?

When do I tell her? Now, so that she has time to get used to it? Much closer to when they actually leave? Not at all? Will the girls themselves tell Sweetie? I'd think they would. But who knows? Perhaps they're so used to moving that it's no huge deal to them. Certainly not a big enough deal that a 6 and 4 year old would think to tell their little Sweetie friend about. But then again... No matter what, moving is a pretty big deal. I think so, anyway.

Then, once their gone. Then what? Sweetie is a good reader and beginning to be a decent enough writer. But still, I think she's not really ready to be a pen pal. But - emailing. That's something, I suppose. Perhaps Sweetie will be excited to stay in touch with her friends online. 

Still, it's hard to tell how Sweetie will take the news - however or whenever it's presented. I mean, I thought she'd be devastated when I so abruptly took her out of pre-school. But, eh. Not so much. And as for her "big girl" friend, J____, who she saw all the time as a baby and toddler, but now not nearly as often... yes, she certainly asks about her still. But not too much. She doesn't seem desperate to see her or not. She knows they're friends regardless.

Anyway. I just don't know. I want to tell Sweetie what's going on. But I don't know if this is a serious, sit-down-and-listen-close conversation, or a hey-by-the-way situation. Certainly, once they have moved away, you can be sure that I'll pay close attention to Sweetie and be here to help her through the change if need be.

I'm just not sure what's the best thing to do for her now...

Mama Monday #31.1

Theme: Hear

So my friend, Shanta Everington, has done it again! Her second novel, Give Me A Sign, just became available for purchase last week. And if I were you, I'd certainly go out and get a copy!

Give Me A Sign is the story of Liz and Doug, outcast schoolmates who find each other and develop a life changing bond. Despite their obvious differences (for one thing, Liz is hearing, Doug is hearing impaired), they discover just how similar they really are, and how much they need each other's time, understanding and love in order to grow as individuals.

Shanta's writing had me hooked from the start. I couldn't put down this story of first love (for Liz), typical teen angst (dealing with school bullies, wanting to fit in), and personal struggles (Doug's desire to find a place in the hearing world, to not be "Deaf with a capitol D", yet ultimately suffer certain loss from the trying).

Liz and Doug are a powerful couple, each partner pushing the other to work harder than they've ever worked before. At face value, these extra measures seem to be for the benefit of the other person. Yet in the end, it is the changes that have happened within themselves that makes this the moving, tear-jerking story it is.

I love Shanta's ability to speak so eloquently from both sides of the coin. I felt Liz's pains and annoyances as well as I've ever felt my own. Likewise, I was able to relate to Doug's conflicting thoughts and concerns without any problem.

My one negative about Shanta's writing is this - I found her language to be a bit to Brit. It was somewhat difficult for me to understand the slang words that Liz, Doug and the other Londoners used throughout their easy conversations. But you know what? That's okay. Both Shanta and her characters live in England, after all. So whereas I had some challenges in the translation, at least I can't say that her characters aren't as real as can be.

Oh, and one more thing - I was sad to see it end. The story came to a conclusion, but there's definitely room for growth. I wanted to continue on right then, discovering along with the characters just how the rest of their lives' stories played out.

So please "hear" my words and buy this book. It's a quick, easy read with a deceptively powerful message. I loved it and I know you will too. Enjoy!

Sweetie Saturday #114

Now this is a twist! Right this minute, as I write this, Sweetie is up in her room reading a book. I mean, actually reading it! Usually she nags me to wake up then, while I'm in the bathroom getting ready for the day, Sweetie either snuggles in our bed next to Daddy or she quietly watches a cartoon on our upstairs T.V. 

But today? She suggested to me - Hey Mom. How about instead of me watching T.V. while you get dressed, I read Corduroy instead?  

Great!

Then? When I was all set to come downstairs, she informs me she's still reading.

That's fine. Take as long as you like. I'll be downstairs.

Okay.

Wow.

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The above was much different than wake up time a few days ago.

Sweetie comes bounding into our room, full of energy (no, that's not the "different" part). When I finally get up, she waits for me while talking with Daddy (who's desperately trying to still sleep). *

Anyway, she rambles on and on to Hubby about something, asking questions about the shirt he's wearing - a shirt I guess she'd never seen before. As Hubby later told me, Sweetie was telling him how much she liked his shirt (Thank you Sweetie), asking where it came from (college), if he got the shirt back when she was a baby (no - before that), if he got the shirt when she was in my belly (no - before that)... and then the big one:

And, how did I get in Mama's belly anyway? Did she eat me without chewing? Or was there a tiny door I crawled in?

Hubby - still exhausted and only desiring a few more minutes of sleep:

I don't know. I'm too tired.

Then, when I'm done in the bathroom and ready to go downstairs with her, she starts right in with:

Mama, how did I get in your belly again? I forgot. (seems she's somewhat recently asked her my mom the same question. I don't recall exactly what my mom gave as an answer).

My answer? Don't worry about it, Sweetie. 

Yeah - Hubby and I are soooooo prepared for this line of questioning, ya think?

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I still love the way Sweetie says a few things.

She has a roundish pillow which she calls her bally ball (I know she's thinking she's saying volley ball).

And when something happens that she didn't intend, she says she "did it by an accident" (instead of the more simple "I did it by accident"). That added "an" always has to be there. And since she's always said it this way, I've gotten very used to it and started to say it that way sometimes as well.

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Finally, Sweetie, Hubby and I would like to wish you all a very Happy Independence Day weekend. Enjoy!

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* Sweetie came downstairs from her reading at this point, making me take a brief break from my writing. Still, she was up there for a good 5-10 minutes past when I came downstairs for the day!

But...And...CAPS...Breath....

So do you like my new motto? I'm going to keep it up top there for a good long while, just so I have a nice happy thought to keep me going whenever I need reminding....

.... Like last night, for instance... So much for all my recent talk of dreams and goals and positive vibes, etc., etc., etc.... Last night I was, for a brief time, downright somber.

For one thing, our dear little Sweetie has been driving me up a wall! Screaming bloody murder one minute when she accidently pushes the "stop" button on the DVD remote instead of "pause" (Good Lord, girl! Get a grip, don't freak out, and do ASK. FOR. HELP. Despite what you obviously know to be true in the depths of your soul, I promise you that the earth will not end simply because the wrong button was pushed!). And then quickly brushing herself off when nearly careening headlong into the corner of a large cabinet (no injury was sustained to the Sweetie in the making of this exercise regarding The Dangers of Too Much Sugar combined with Fast, BeSocked Slippy Sliding on A Tile Floor in front of a Sharp, but Not Hot, Wood Stove - but it was a close call). Not to mention her repetitive speech (Mama, watch this! Mama, did you see that? Mama, I know I've already told you ONE THOUSAND TIMES but you didn't answer me, so I'm going to say it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN until you do respond. And, NO, I will NOT strive for economy of words, woman! I LOVE words! I love FANCY words! And I will use as many as I see fit to describe every minute action I make, have made, or am even considering making in the future. Got it?).

But! The fun doesn't stop there!

Then there's my on-going, deep-seated angst - feeling like I'm spending way too much time in front of the computer screen searching for EMPLOYMENT and BENEFITS and FAMILY SECURITY, and not nearly enough time interacting with Sweetie. Seriously, for ever 30 minutes I spend playing a game with her or reading with her, I know that works out to about 90 minutes more that I'm basically ignoring her while I work at the computer.* And, no, it's not like Sweetie SEEMS to be adversely affected because of my blatant ignorance of her. But then she has to go and tell me at bedtime the other night - Oh, Mama, because you were so busy today and couldn't play with me, I forgot to tell you something....

Sure, Sweetie. Go ahead and make your mother cry guilty tears*. That's what daughters are for, after all, right? Daddy and I have only got huge bills to pay with my NO JOB, not to mention a car that's hanging on for dear life and a house that's crying out for some new parts, etc., etc., etc...

And, yes, I KNOW. It doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that maybe, just maybe, Sweetie is overdramatizing and so attention hungry because - DUH - her Mama is not providing the quality, at home, mother/daughter time she so desperately wants and needs.*

But, YOU KNOW! I TOTALLY need a JOB! Like, getting SCARY need a job! Did you know it's already JULY, people? Try as I might - and gosh darn it, I AM trying - with every passing day I'm finding it more and more difficult to keep my cool, to believe, and to be confident. My resume goes out, and rejection notices flood in. It's not a happy game.

Still - I've not completely fallen yet. I DO have a very interesting, very exciting and challenging freelance job I'm currently working on. I LOVE this work! The work for that job will start to get busier come the end of this month and into the next. I know I'll do well with it and enjoy the whole experience.

So really, for the most part, I'm still right in there, still hanging on, still KNOWING that SOMETHING CONCRETE and RELIABLE is out there for me and it WILL be found...

But there are times, like last night, that things just seem so NOT RIGHT....

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*FYI - I wrote this post, as I write most of my posts, the night before publishing, after Sweetie is in bed. So at least she's not "left on her own" while I fritter away at my blllaaaawwwgggg!

*No, Sweetie didn't really make me cry. But her off-handed comment did catch my attention and make me stop and think...

* Also a possible reason for Sweetie's irrational outbursts? Uhhhh.... I'm just a wee bit overdramatic at times too.... If you didn't already know that/couldn't figure it out on your own...

Breath....