Purpose. Annoyances. Effort. Life.

He always has something to do. 40 hrs. a week job, plus overtime. Another occasional sideline job. Shopping. Laundry. Cooking. Preparing dinner plates. Working on projects in his workshop (currently a time sensitive project he was commissioned to do by a friend.) He’s on 2 Boards of Directors - one as VP, one as Secretary. Lots of effort into everything he does. He is always moving. And I love him for it.

She goes to one of the top STEM-focused charter schools in the U.S., a 2nd year Junior this year because there are too many requirements to fit into one Senior year. At least, for her. She struggles with ADHD, High Functioning Autism, Executive Functioning Dysfunction and a touch of Anxiety thrown in. All this to say - she’s super smart and works best with clear rules, expectations and structure. So, her rigid, intense school requirements actually work really well for her.... if she’s not overwhelmed by the work, getting distracted from the work, can maintain an interest in the work, etc. She’s got loads to do, and has loads of good intentions to get things done. But then she... needs to go to the bathroom, get a sweater, a snack, then remembers that she forgot to brush her teeth, realizes she’s at a good stopping point (hasn’t even started) to take her (very long) shower. Then it’s time to eat again. Then, then, then.... it doesn’t appear that she is willing to always put in the effort. But we know she always intends to do well, even if her mind works against her in getting there. She is always moving. And I love her in spite of it.

The times that it looks like she’s actually working, she’s recently admitted that she may not in fact be working at all (she is super honest, at least there’s that.) She may be playing a game, watching a video, or texting with friends - if the schoolwork subject isn’t holding her interest. But now I know this and I can never really know what she’s doing. So - she thought I was naggy before about getting her onto her work. Now I’m really naggy. But, the more I nag, the less likely she is to do what needs to be done. We can never tell her what to do. She’s going to do her own thing in her own way no. matter. what. 

I am always with her. Evenings, while he’s at work, and weekends when he’s doing All. The. Things. She can and does easily view me as the bad guy, always harping on her to sit down already and get to work. But, again, it really doesn’t matter what I or he says, or how we say it. She’s doing it her way, always. 

So - he actually is doing everything humanly possible, and then some. She needs to be doing a whole lot more, in a more timely manner, than she is or believes herself to be capable of doing. She’s capable. Very capable. But her mind gets in her way. All the time. 

And I? I do what I can. I sit on the couch. Will fold laundry - eventually when it’s brought to me. But he or she has to deliver the folded piles to where they belong. I’ll clean the bathroom sink and toilet when need be. Put the new roll of toilet paper on the roll, like no one else seems to know how to do. I’ll occasionally put dishes in the  dishwasher or empty it. But there are others in the house who do this as well, so it’s by no means even close to a regular chore for me. I’ll prepare myself a weekend lunch. Make myself a cup of tea - but have her or him bring the prepared cup into where I’m sitting. I play lots of games on my phone. I read. And I wait for family time together. Which may not come on any particular day, if he and she are too busy or trying to settle enough to finally be busy at work that needs to get done. So, if this is the case, I... I don’t know. Go to bed early I guess.

Me? I don’t have work that needs doing. Well - I pay the bills. Balance the money. But I do this from the computer. The same computer she uses to complete a fair amount of her schoolwork. Schoolwork comes first. So I wait my turn. Maybe I’ll get my turn in earlier before she’s even awake on the weekends, or right when I get home after work. But maybe not. It depends on what she’s got going on. 

I’m in pain. It hurts to be on my feet, up and about. So I sit a lot, which is far less painful. But - the more I sit, the stiffer I get and the more painful it is when I’m up and about. So - I shouldn’t sit so much. So I get up. I do the things I’m able to do. It’s good for me to move. But then I’m in so much pain that I just want to sit again. So I do. But that’s not good for me either. Stiffness and pain takes over, evident when I try to get up the next time. Which I must. Repeat cycle... 

I am not always moving. But maybe I should be moving more. Or not. Who knows. 

I’m annoyed by my chiropractor. 2 visits a week, every week. For months now. And no relief. Often she seems like she’s going through the motions with no personal attention to my needs. Other times we have long conversations about things I can and should do for myself. Only for her to ask me sometime later if I’m doing a certain thing - something she should well know that I’m doing because we’d previously talked about it at length! I’m sure I’m just irked because of the lack of pain relief. But I need to keep seeing her because, once I have the nerve stimulator placed, that will only help the pain. I’ll need to rely on her for the physical well being of the structure of my spine.

Speaking of this nerve stimulator... what a long, crazy process this has been. All the hoops to jump though - ridiculous! And here I am, set to jump through the last hoop later this week, and they still tell me the procedure won’t happen until November! It seems to me that a procedure specifically meant to help someone in constant pain would be something that would be able to be scheduled as quickly as possible. Want a nose job? I bet you could schedule that for next week. Want to stop living in pain? Sorry, you’ve got several things to do to set up this procedure. 5 or 6 months down the road, we might be ready for you. I’m calling tomorrow to see about that. Why on earth can’t it be sooner?! 

I love my job, but after each weekend I feel like I just want one more day off from the office. Sure! I can take a day. Call myself out. That would be okay. Except... what exactly will I do with that extra day off? That’s right. Nothing. Just sit on the couch and have another boring day at home just like the 2 weekend days I’ve already had. Big whoop. I don’t need that either. Might as well just go to work I guess. 

And Mondays start off with a trip to the chiropractor. Yay. One more visit to pay for without physical relief from pain. Great. 

And he’ll start his work week too. And she’ll try to continue to climb out of her deep hole of schoolwork.

And I’ll continue on as I do. Not with much work, outside of work itself.

As little moving as I can get away with.

Not with much purpose, it often feels like, to me. Not as much as him or her, anyway.

A fair amount of mounting daily annoyances.  

But with a whole lot of effort. I can assure you that.

A Part vs. Apart

About a decade ago this weekend, maybe 11 years ago, I remember it was a cold and rainy few days on the Maine coast. It was our first time visiting Ferry Beach with several other members of our newfound family. Our church family. And, even though it was cold and rainy, we were in Heaven. This! This was the idyllic place that would become our annual post-Labor Day retreat get away. 

(Oh, and the 3rd picture down on my blog header? Of Sweetie twirling in the yellow cup? That’s at Ferry Beach. Every year I’d at least try to get her to let me take this year’s version of the same picture there on the playground. Not as easy to do as she got older. But I do have several others similar to this one.  Fun to see her twirling through the years.)

All this time later and we still look forward to this gathering of good friends, ocean breezes, talent shows, crafts, social hour, coffee on the porch, marathon games, trivia contests, communal meals, services in The Grove, and as much community or alone reflection time as one can desire. It’s all up to you.

Except this year. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic still trying to control our every move, our Ferry Beach weekend was cancelled. Oh, there was still hope for awhile. Any of our members could have decided on their own that they still wanted to go. But as a whole church, the overwhelming majority thought (ours included) was that it just wasn’t safe to go. So - we are not there. 

Only one other time in the last 11 years, since we started going, have we 3 not gone, and that was in order to celebrate my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary with family. That year, we were sad to miss regathering with our church family after a summer away from each other, yet happy enough to know that Ferry Beach weekend was underway anyway and we’d see everyone the next weekend when we joined again in church to start another year together. 

But today - this weekend - none of our church family is at Ferry Beach. Furthermore, this year’s next weekend will not see us all joining together again in person. However, this year - tomorrow! - we will gather again for the new normal we’ve started to get used to - Zoom church. Our annual Water Communion service. Where, sometimes, we and/or fellow church members bring what we call “virtual water” with us, representing meaningful summer adventures we’ve had - like weekends away at Ferry Beach, for example. Well, guess what? This year, even the real water contributed for the service will, in essence, be virtual as we watch, via Zoom, the drops flow together, representing our coming together again for another church year, all as one. 

Ferry Beach. Our church. Our church family. Oh, how I miss them. We 3 all have. Not to say there aren’t opportunities to at least virtually be with one another. There were summer services. There are small group ministries. There are virtual and real life groups that enjoy various activities together, like crafting, book discussing, and social service enterprising. 

And have I chosen to include myself in any of these? No. And when, in better times, we have actually gone to church, per usual, am I a social butterfly before service or at coffee hour after, chit chatting with everyone I possibly can? No. In fact, a lot of times we head home very shortly after service, bypassing everyone else as they sip their coffee or tea and nibble on some treats. 

So, you might ask, if it doesn’t appear that I mingle with my fellow church goers much anyway, where do I get off saying that I miss church and its people? 

Well, I just do. I guess I liken my relationship with my church family to that of an old, comfy relationship. It just feels good to be in that sanctuary, to see those people, to hear the hubbub of friendly chatter, laughter, sometimes tears, hugs, singing, music...everything. Joys and concerns. No talking necessarily needed. Just listening.

Our affirmation. Our weekly tradition of centering ourselves together. Deeply listening to and loving not only our new minister, but the sermons being thoughtfully crafted and enthusiastically delivered. Learning together, questioning together, challenging each other to be the best versions of ourselves not just for this one hour together, but always. Out into the world. Let it be so. 

See, my church family and I (and Hubby and Sweetie) - we’re all like-minded. For me, just being with them every week motivates me to be better, do better, and carry that light everywhere I go. At least that’s the idea. Do any of us truly work towards the betterment of ourselves and the world with every breath and step we take? Well, I won’t speak for others, I guess, but for me, I know I could always do more. Lots more. But I try. And I care. And I want improvement all around - for myself and others. And I aim to keep trying, every day. To educate myself more, to question more, to be more.

At our church, that’s the goal. Be kind to yourself and to others, to listen, to question, to learn. To be and do goodness. However, in your own way, big or small, that that happens for you. And then try again tomorrow. Repeat.

Just being in that physical space with those people surrounding each other and me. That’s enough for me to carry on, reminding me to continue on my pursuit of all things good.

Anyway... what’s my point here? I’m writing this post on my little iPhone because Sweetie is trying (trying!) to work on some homework she is not at all interested in. That’s super difficult for someone with ADHD and Autism. It’s taken her all day of postponing to now finally sit down and try. I could have told her at any point that I actually want to use the computer and write. But, no. I’m not giving her another reason to put off her work, just so I can write. I can do it on my phone, as painstaking as it is. It’s actually okay. I’ve done it before (or on whatever non-phone version of a traveling device it was at the time.)

At least once before, in fact. All those years back, 10 or 11 years ago, at Ferry Beach. Back when I was a regular blogger with a strict posting schedule to maintain. Who cares that I was away at the beach! Who cares that I didn’t have a computer or laptop available to me! I have to write! I have to post! And I will - with my little device. It’ll work. And it did. 

And I did it today too. I’ve written my post. Granted, I don’t feel as “one” with my thoughts successfully getting onto the page as I usually do as I sit at the desk and computer. I feel a lot more “all over the place“ in today’s electronic scribblings. But I’ll read it back. I’ll make edits. I'll give it a bit before posting. 

But I will post. Because writing, and sharing that with others, fills my soul.

And we will, one day, return to Ferry Beach with our church family. And into our church itself, as soon as we can agree - and we’re advised - that it’s safe to do so. And, with that, I will feel complete again, participating in our regular weekly lessons on love, laughter and life. Just to be surrounded by these people, these lessons, is enough to fill my soul. 

But being apart from them? Zoom church is fine and I do look forward to our first service tomorrow and for all those to come in the weeks ahead. 

It’s just not the same as being together in person. At the beach, in church, anywhere. 

Not the same at all.

Suffice It To Say

Hello! And Happy Labor Day Weekend to you! Hopefully you are enjoying a special long weekend doing something you love with those you love. I and my people are doing just that. Sort of. Mostly it's the same as any weekend, but so nice to have an extra day off with no particular responsibilities.

I'm happy to report that I've started to expand my audience a bit, here at Sweetie & Me. I've alerted my Facebook friends to my posts, and I've also checked in with a couple Spina Bifida groups I'm a part of, letting them know that this ol' blog exists and is up and kickin' again. I got some excited responses from a few people, so I am extra invigorated to keep writing and keep telling my truths. Yay, me!

But with that said... now what? I'm not sure what my next topic is. The pain I deal with on a daily basis is a pretty huge topic for me, but I've just written about that. No need to really go on too much there. At least not until there's more news on my nerve stimulator procedure. 

This blog is called Sweetie & Me and, therefore, I should write a bit about Sweetie. But I've already explained that she is older now and I feel she's more or less an off limits topic. Suffice it to say, she is doing well. I have high hopes for this school year. She seems motivated. She has a boyfriend, from the same tough school, and they both seem envigorated this year to do good things and keep on top of their grades. This pandemic we're all experiencing may actually be a help there, since they are doing remote school for now and therefore don't see each other every day, per usual. But we do allow them to see each other on the weekends (that family is part of our limited bubble.) In Sweetie's case, she can only see him if all school work is caught up to the best of her abilities. I believe he probably has similar conditions from his parents. So - they are both motivated to keep up with school if they intend to also be able to see each other. Hopefully these conditional hang outs will continue to be able to happen, grades will be up, and all will be well.

Let's see, what else?... I could talk about my job (which I love), but somehow I don't think that's an appropriate topic. Suffice it to say, I've been employed at a particular job, full time, since the end of March, 2019, only to be put on extended furlough because of said pandemic, towards the end of March 2020. But, I immediately contacted my previous employer and they took me back with open arms - as a temp employee, with the understanding that when their own staff came back to work, those employees had first dibs on a place with the company and I may have to be ousted at that point. But, here we are in September and there remains enough room for me to stay as long as I wish. And it seems like my furlough is going to last awhile longer, probably through the rest of the year, so I'm very grateful to have a place to be. A place I love, with coworkers and management that I love. Honestly, I'd stay there forever if our family could manage it, financially. But we need more. So realistically, I'll most likely be moving back to where I was when the office opens up again. Or I suppose I could look for something else entirely? But I'm not sure how many well paying places with jobs I qualify for are hiring right now. And, honestly, with my back and general pain troubles, I don't feel like I'm in the best physical shape to be going out and about on job hunts at this point. So, this is where I am and that is most likely where I'll go back to, when able.

Something else I've been doing lately on my "couch weekends" is reading. I haven't read a full novel in months! I used to be in a book club, for years and years, actually, until I decided I just wasn't that into it anymore. So I left. And haven't read since. Except, I have downloaded a bunch of Kindle samples, and I've read all of them. But never continued on with the whole book. I even actually downloaded a full novel, with every intention of reading it. But... eh. No. Not so much. But now? I happened to find a real life, paperback book (imagine! not virtual!) in my mom's office bookshelf that I picked up and started reading, and I love it! It's one of those books that you just want to keep reading and reading, but you also don't want to keep reading because you don't want the story to end. It's called The Other Alcott, by Elise Hooper and it's about May Alcott, youngest sister to author Louisa May Alcott and inspiration for the character of Amy in Little Women. The Other Alcott is a fictionalized account of several years in May's life when she was discovering herself, outside of what it meant to be Louisa's Amy. I've read many other historical fiction novels of this ilk, putting a fictionalized twist on other historically famous people and, I gotta say, it's probably my favorite genre of book. I think... I also like, I guess you'd call them fantasy? Stories that seem real enough but then have some sort of fantastical twist to them. I can picture in my head the cover of one, but I'm sorry to say I can't remember it right now to give as an example. Suffice it to say, I just like to read interesting offerings.

I know there are other things I could do easily enough while I'm not able to physically be up and about much. Cross-stitch, for one thing. I really do like this craft and have created more than a few beautiful pieces in my day. But... I also get bored with them too easily. The one I'm currently in the middle of, that I honestly don't feel like I'll return to, is not colorful enough for my liking. Of course, I knew how colorful (or not) it was when I started it. But having it as an actual piece to work on... it's just not striking enough to keep me interested. And, I'm pretty sure I made a mistake in it also, which really drives me nuts and doesn't make me want to continue on with it. Which in this case is okay, because it was meant to be a wedding gift a few years back (yes, I said years. See? I get bored easily and leave things be too quickly). And I knew the color scheme would be appreciated by the couple getting married, if not me. But now, well, suffice it to say they don't need it anymore. I'm bored by it, the recipients aren't even still together, why even bother? But I could find another piece to start, I suppose. Maybe I'll take a look at my options. We tend to get a Stitchery catalogue every once in awhile. Maybe I will look into this... 

Yeah! I love the idea of being creative. I love to be creative, through my writing, crafting, whatever. I'm so, so inspired by other creatives, and Hubby and I - and I dare say, even Sweetie - love to find YouTube or Netflix videos that speak to the importance of creativity and the profound ways that even the simplest acts of artistry - any kind of artistry - can affect not only your own life, but the lives of others. Many TedTalks are good for that. In fact, just yesterday morning, scrolling through YouTube, I happened upon an interesting title and accompanying thumbnail. Oh, how I could recommend so many videos! Vlogbrothers are always good for some lighthearted yet meaningful takes on all things not only creative but technological, innovative and educational. But back to that TedTalk from yesterday. It stars none other than actor Ethan Hawke. We were dubious at the start, but in the end I can't even describe how amazing this video was. I'll just give you the link here. Suffice it to say, it's well worth a watch (or two or three.)

Anyway, I guess that's going to be all from me today. I'm interested to get back to my book. I'm interested to see if there's a Stitchery catalogue hanging around somewhere in the house. Sweetie is away at her boyfriend's house this afternoon and I've got some time on my hands to just be. Not that her presence really takes me away from much of my own "thing" when she is here. She does her thing, I do mine. We get by. But often I do end up feeling bad that we ended up ignoring each other all day long, too involved in our own interests to say much more than two sentences to each other. But no - she's not even here anyway. No need to feel badly that we sometimes live too much side by side and not enough together. Maybe when she gets home - if it's not too late - we three will play a game, watch a movie, or something. Reconnect. But right now, it's honestly and truly my time. Hubby is both working in his woodshop and alternatingly coming up to cook in the kitchen. I can do my own thing, and I will.

Suffice it to say, for as boring and blah as I could say (and have said) life is these days, in a lot of other ways, it's actually pretty A-okay.