Have you seen Selma Blair on this current season of DWTS?! Talk about someone who is working on overcoming the physical challenges in their life. Selma has Multiple Sclerosis, leaving her with occasional slurred speech, the need to often walk with the support of a cane, and weak muscle control, especially in her legs and arms. And yet, she's saying YES to DWTS, getting out there every week to give it her all. At the time of this writing, the season is just starting, so she's only had 2 week's worth of performances. But, man, have those performances been awesome! She is doing great and, for as much as I'm not thrilled with some of the changes that have happened to DWTS over the last few years or so, I am very happy to watch every week to cheer her on and watch her abilities take command over whatever physical challenges she may deal with. Truly inspiring.
Anyway...
As for me, about 2 months out from my last post, and 3 months out from my surgery this summer, I'm happy to report that I am doing great too. Especially these last 2 weeks or so, I and my physical therapist are really starting to see some big strides in my strength and general abilities. Specifically, I've brought my walking stick with me to a couple of sessions. The first time was maybe 2 or more weeks ago? Just to give it a shot and see how I can manage beginning to walk again with this, instead of the forearm crutches that I had to resort to about a year and a half prior to my surgery. The pain in my back and legs was getting too great and, it was thought by my chiropractor, that the way forearm crutches would force me to stand and walk (leaning forward a bit) would help to ease the pain. This was because the way I was walking with my walking stick was to increasingly lean back farther from the stick, belly out. The more I hurt, the more I walked in this weird way, trying to escape the pain, but in reality only making it worse. Long story short, the forearm crutches are basically better for me, do force me to walk either straighter or at least leaning forward, not back, and basically give me more support all around.
But, I am stubborn and want to get back to my walking stick. I told this to my therapist from the get go. She didn't see any reason why, with a little work and practice, I couldn’t do this. So I brought it to PT.
That first attempt there (yes, I had tried a few attempts at home even before this) was... not so great. She had me walking in a skinny hallway with a support bar along one wall. And, with that bar being so easily accessible, I kept reaching for it even though I didn't want to. And my right leg, which has always been my more dominant leg, was now the weaker. After taking a step with the left leg, the right was just dragging itself through to finish the step. As you can imagine, it just wasn't pretty. Or useful. Or at all correct.
So she gave me some different exercises, on top of what I already do, and I focused on strengthening my legs more, lifting that right leg, and making considerable "steps" towards improving my steps, so to speak.
Well, this past Thursday I brought my walking stick back to therapy and tried again, this time asking if I could try in a not-so-cramped hallway without a safety bar for added support. Sure! Lots of hallways I could pick from. So I picked, and I steadied and readied myself, and I went! Picking up my right leg to complete a step! Sure, it's still not the prettiest thing ever. I still depend more on my left leg, and kinda kick my right leg through. But I engage my core, I don't twist my torso (unless, as seen in other tries, I’m tiring out) to try to force things to happen, and I make, literally, good strides. My therapist was so impressed with the improvement from the first try with her. She was smiling from ear to ear and told me that was "so good!" She told me I gave her goosebumps with how well I did. Wow! Am I feeling good about things now!
This weekend, I've been practicing more at home with my stick a bit. Not 100%. Not even near that. But sometimes. Just giving it a go, if I have to go down to the bathroom, say. It's good. It's feeling better and better. It's coming along, step by step.
I have also learned first hand the importance of engaging my core for another basic life motion - standing up. Last weekend at church, when we all stood up for the first song, I stood in my old usual way. The bad way. Basically pushing my belly out, arching my back inward, and forcing myself into a standing position. And that hurt! Not a sharp pain. But a really sore, tight pain that hung on as I stood there singing. But then! For the next song we stood to sing for, I remembered to engage my core, pretending to bring my belly button back to my spine. And that was just fine! I stood up pain-free, no problem at all. Huh! I understood right then, if I hadn't already, how very important it is to use your core in making motions with your body. Everything is truly connected and I really got how well things can work if only you use the correct muscles to do what needs doing. And ever since then, every time I stand up, I engage these same muscles and stand up much, much more easily and considerably less painfully. Yee haw!
Oh! And Poi! Poi, man. (Speaking of church) we were at our church's annual end-of-summer retreat early in September and learned the beginning moves of this beautiful circus art. Hubby really enjoyed himself and got into the whole thing. I did what I could sitting, and eventually stood with one crutch, twirling poi with the free hand. I could tell right away that this was definitely an exercise that engages one's core. And I told our friend/teacher as much, saying that this really seemed like a fun exercise I could incorporate into my physical therapy exercises. It could help me improve the very things I need to work on, like quad strength, core muscles, and balance. She said, absolutely! Yes, poi could really do wonders for me. So I’ve been practicing, now standing with no crutches and twirling poi in both hands. I can only do it for a very few minutes right now, but that will increase with practice. I also think I’m going to invest in her circus arts book for kids, as well as some other poi-specific beginner videos and lessons. Why not have a little fun while also making my body stronger and more able to conquer the tasks that need conquering?
Another improvement I'm seeing is that I can now walk small distances without my leg braces. For instance, after a bath to the bedroom. Since my pain has increased, pre-surgury, I've had to resort to crawling when not wearing my braces, or even with my braces, but without access to my crutches. The pain was too great and my legs had become so weak that I was no longer able to hold myself up comfortably to get myself where I was trying to go. So I crawled. But this week, after a bath, I gave it a shot to walk the (very short) distance from the bathroom to the bedroom. With the support of the wall, of course (I don't, and won't really ever, have good balance without my braces, considering I can't feel below my knees or access my muscles there.) And I did it! No problem! Wow. That felt really good too. What an improvement! Yeah. Not that I ever make a practice of walking without my braces. But in those instances when it's the end of the day and I have to go a short distance without them, it appears that I can now make this happen by walking, just like I did before.
And. lastly, Hubby and I went to Target maybe a week or so ago, to pick up some things to include in a care package for Sweetie (she's off at college! And loving it! And doing so well!) Typically, since the vast increase in pain I've had to manage, (all of these changes I've mentioned to my lifestyle due to pain, BTW, have taken place pretty much over the last 3 years I'd say) I turned to riding the provided electronic riding cart at this store. But this time, Hubby said I was going to walk! "But, the things we need are in the far opposite corner of the store!" I said. "You can do it," he said. "And we can sit and rest if you need." And so, I did it! I got to the aisles we were after, helped pick out the items we wanted, and then started heading back to the checkout. It was on this journey back that I knew I really did want to sit and rest a bit, which we did. And then I let Hubby handle the checkout line, while I sat to the side again. But I did it! And at no point did I feel winded or in lingering pain.
In fact, that "not feeling winded" thing? That's new too. Previous to surgery, I either, A) wouldn't walk at all, preferring to break out my wheelchair we bought during this time of increasing pain, or B) I would walk, but feel incredibly "riled up", tired, heart racing, and generally winded after the experience. But now? Nope. I'm good. I'll walk whatever distance, sit down when I get where I'm going, and feel totally fine from "all that exertion." Building up my stamina, baby! Getting so strong.
So! That's it, I think. I'm doing great. Sure, I still have pains. But they are different, less, and tell me more about how much I'm pushing my strengthening body in a good way, rather than stressing my damaged body in a bad way.
PT is still on, for now. But my large chunk of sessions they gave me at first is all used up, and now I have been given a couple of smaller chunks of sessions, after which I have to have a re-eval. My therapist then submits all sorts of documentation, proving that I'm making great improvement with therapy, so therefore I should continue therapy! But not so much improvement that the insurance just says, "Great! Then she's done, then, and doesn't need anymore stinking sessions." Insurance is very stingy, is what I'm saying. But we'll see.
Even when I can't go back to therapy anymore, though, I will still do my exercises at home everyday and continue to push myself to get stronger and stronger still. I feel the determination now and I will prove to myself that I can get better. I just have to put in the work. (I think my PT sessions historically, all with the goal of decreasing my increasing pain, have always left me feeling like the improvement wasn't coming fast enough, or I had just given up that there even was improvement to be had at all, that I was always just going to be in pain forever, it was inevitable, so why even bother. Well now, after a specific successful surgery to fix this specific problem, I do believe I can and will improve! So there!)
I'm movin'. I'm groovin'. Faster and stronger every day. I can. I will. Just watch me.
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