Can't Write, Cuz I Gotta Write

I'd love to write a long, insightful post today. In fact, I have something in mind to muse upon for awhile.

But this is my Writing Weekend. The blog-related musing will have to wait.

With two fast approaching deadlines to tackle, plus articles to look over for my new editing gig (for the MSBA , no less) and sample writing tutor related essays to sample tute (hey, look at me! I created a word!) for a potential new sideline gig, I've got way too much to do today.

In fact, I feel so bogged down that I'm sending Hubby out to retrieve Sweetie from her overnight Nana-fest instead of chomping at the bit at 8am to go get her myself (you see, no matter how much I long to have peaceful time away from her, I still can't wait to get her back home. And, yes, we had a fabulous time out with our friends last night).

So - that's it. I hope y'all can settle for a friendly, albeit frazzled "hello" for today.

Hello!

Goodbye. :)

Sweetie Saturday #15

A couple nights ago Sweetie was playing in the living room. A box top from a board game was upside down on the floor next to her. One of our cats went to it and tried to climb in, pawing at its up-turned inside cover. Sweetie yanked it out from under her, though, saying sternly,

No, Noki! It's not a poopy box!

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My mom took Sweetie to the park yesterday. Sweetie loved it, but it was very crowded. She didn't like all the kids bumping into her.

There was a castle-like climbing structure on the playground. Sweetie told my mom that she wanted to climb to the tower and yell out to everybody (more or less. Second-hand story, remember),

I'm Princess ____ and this is my castle! Everyone, behave!

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In the car last night, just as we were getting home, Sweetie was singing to herself in the backseat. I couldn't understand the first words of her song, but it ended with,

...it's a perfect pickle, indeed!

I asked her where she learned that, or did she make it up herself. She said she learned it at Nana's house.

I'll have to ask my mom about that one, I guess.

Stop This Age, I Want To Get Off!

I had trouble naming this post. Alternatives were:

Who Turned Off The Lights?

The Terrible, What Now?

Bipolar, Thy Name Is Sweetie

and

Backslide

But no matter what you call it, it's evil. It's awful. Forget the Terrible Two's. It's THE TERRIBLE THREE'S!!!!!!!!!

Man alive! I have had it. I swear, somebody (come on, now. Who was it? I'll only kill you a little) seems to have informed Sweetie that she's 3 1/2 now and she'd best start acting her age.

Honestly. The infamous play date on June 19th (one day before her 1/2 birthday) I guess served as a little practice session for this new phase of her life. This new attitude. And, from the looks of it, she so enjoyed herself that day that she hasn't looked back once.

As my regular readers know, I thought it was my own yucky health/yucky mood projecting back on her. But, really, I'm feeling pretty darn okay now and, yet, it continues.

The whining. The screaming. The kicking and hitting. The stubborn attitude and fights. The fickle-minded/bipolar behavior. The inability to focus on anything for longer than 10 seconds. The unwillingness to tolerate any attempts whatsoever at communicating.

Don't reason with her. Don't tease her. Don't bargain with or bribe her. Just don't. Nothing. Nothing works. But especially the teasing (which, by the way, is dang near impossible for my husband. His middle name could be 'Tease", for Goodness sake!). If you tease her in any way (say, when you're trying to save your own sanity by making light of a situation by saying silly words and/or nonsense answers, hoping to make her - oh, maybe laugh!), she goes ballistic.

It's hopeless. Just hopeless.

So I'm just stuck here wondering, who turned off the lights? The light in her eyes. The light in her smile. The light of her perpetual curiousity and wonder? All I want is to see Sweetie's lightness again. Cuz Lord knows I can't take anymore of this darkness.

Furthermore. Sweetie seems to have slipped back a bit in her routines. She's backslid to the days of not staying in bed when first put there. And she's also, as of late, paid us middle of the night visits again.

The bedtime thing - yes - that comes and goes with her. She'll do great and stay put for a couple of weeks or more, and then have some random nights of escaping. But within the last week or so the escaping seems to be getting a bit more frequent. And as far as coming to us in the middle of the night - that's something she hasn't done in months! But now, she's probably done it 3 or more times in the last 10 days.

Plus - more backsliding - in the potty department. She's still doing pretty well with the peeing. But the other part - not so good at all! Three accidents in a row with that. Not making me happy, let me tell ya. Not at all!

I just don't get it, either. I mean, a little more than a week ago I went upstairs to check on how she was doing (she was playing in her tent). I found her in the bathroom, on the potty, doing her "thing". I was so impressed! She took herself away from her tent, away from the matching game she was playing, to take care of business. Great job!

Then she didn't poop for about 3 days. And when she did, it was her first of 3 accidents in about 4 days.

Great. Just great.

Oh! Oh! And this morning?! Yah, well, she peed in the potty just fine. No problem at all. Then, moments later, she was telling me how I forgot to give her a potty treat. A potty treat?! I haven't given her a potty treat in at least 2 or 3 weeks now. For pooping, yes. But not for pee. So, what's up with that?! I don't know.

So anyway, I've been composing this post in my mind for the last few days. And this morning just solidified it when she had me in tears from all of her tears, fighting, and defiance.

But then we got home this evening and - you know what? - she was actually pretty good. Some minor attitude, yes, but nothing that was long lasting or irreversible. She even cooperated with me enough to play a game and then cuddle with me on the couch.

Hubby and I even commented (quietly) to each other how good she was being tonight. I said something to the effect of, Gee, and I was going to write a scathing post about her terribleness tonight, too. But she's being so good now.

Well, that will teach us to ever speak such daring words again! I don't even remember what it was that set her off (probably some sort of teasing, I'm sure - which she had tolerated just fine all evening. But then again, we are talking about a 3-year old here. If ever you want to know what bipolar means - just look to a 3- year old for the definition). All I know is that something didn't set right with her and everything quickly bolted downhill.

So, off to bed it was. And, like it has been most nights recently, it was a fast, angry, get-this-child-out-of-my-face-now goodnight (well, okay. It wasn't that intensely awful tonight. But it wasn't great, either. And I certainly have felt that desperate to get her away from me a few of these recent nights).

But she did stay in bed tonight. At least we think so. She may very well have crept out to the papasan chair without our even hearing her. At least, if she escapes, she escapes to this chair to fall asleep and doesn't venture any further than that. And who knows what tonight will bring. Hopefully she'll stay put all night and earn herself another storytime with Daddy. This remains to be seen.

All I know is that Hubby and I are meeting friends for dinner this Saturday night and Sweetie is sleeping over at Nana and Papa Dave's. Yahoo! Adult conversation without interruption. Yay! Not having to argue with Sweetie about eating. Awesome! A guaranteed restful sleep without a midnight wakeup call. Priceless.

Peace at last (if only for a night). I can't wait!

Mama Monday # 20

Theme: Treat

My Hubby and I, when we were dating, would treat ourselves all the time. To movies, to dinners, to daytrip adventures and even an exciting vacation to France (The English Channel Coast and April in Paris - I'll never forget it!).

As young marrieds, we still enjoyed some treats - weekly lunch dates and the occasional night out, spa trips for massages, long weekends to relaxing Bed & Breakfast establishments. What a life!

Now it seems just about the only thing we're "treated" to (especially this last week or two) is whiney, stubborn, demanding cries from our oh-so-adorable (can you hear the sarcasm dripping?) 3 1/2 year old daughter.

Whenever she sees something on T.V. or in a catalogue that she likes, she feels she should be treated to it,

We need to buy that thing, Mommy.

Oh we do, do we? I don't think so.

YES! We DO think so!

Oh, the fun we're having with our little one.

No, but really. She is a treat - most of the time.

We may not have the finances to go out to eat, get massages or take extravagant vacations (our cruise this fall will be our first real vacation in years - and we got a pretty good deal on it. Yay!). But having our Sweetie is worth it. For all the fussing, whining and bratty behavior she's so effortlessly able to dole out, she's equally good at snuggling, loving and behaving politely.

Last night my husband declared that he's going to actively make time each week to focus more on me and Sweetie. He's going to make a concerted effort to be a better husband and daddy.

When I told Sweetie about this, she said,

He's already the best Daddy ever.

And I happen to agree. But, isn't that so sweet?

Now, I wonder if I'll ever get treated to such glowing accolades anytime soon. Until then, I'll happily accept my own special nightly treats from her of a hug, a kiss and a nose.

Motherhood - what a treat!

Feeling Spina Bifida....And Other Odds & Ends

We went to the movies again yesterday, with much better results than the last time. We saw Over The Hedge. It was very funny and, at only 90 minutes long, a great length for Sweetie. Although she still couldn't be stopped from visiting the restrooms three separate times - twice with me and once with daddy.

But, while Sweetie behaved decently during and immediately following the movie, she ended up having an awful evening. Very whiney, very stubborn, very cranky. So much so, in fact, that, for the first time ever, I couldn't deal with giving her a bath. Hubby had to take over and get her washed up. She just wouldn't cooperate, listen to or help me out. So I brought in the reinforcements and removed myself from the situation to do some laundry. Clothes, I can wash. Unruly little girls, I cannot.

On other fronts, I got my latest assignment from ClubMom. Instead of writing two essays for them for July and August, they've given me (and all the other Go-To Moms) a list of 10 or more questions to answer. We each have to pick 5 of our questions to answer for July and 5 more for August. This is all fine and good, but some of these questions are crazy! These questions are causing me to ask questions.

Should I incorporate into each of my answers some aspect of my being a disabled mom (that's what they wanted me to do for my essays)? Or if I can answer some without broaching that topic, is that okay?

Some of the questions seem like they might take a bit of research on my part to answer. Is this what's expected from me, or should I just answer from my own, decidedly narrow field of experience?

And, most ironically, a few of the questions are ones that I'd love for someone to answer for me. Like, I have no right whatsoever answering such and such, cuz I'm dealing with said issue myself - and not very well, at that. Yet, they want me to tell the readers what to do? I think not.

Sorry I can't get too much more detailed about this quite yet. I'm still mulling over the questions, trying to figure out which ones I want to tackle. Wish me luck. As for all my concerns about this - I have an editor I can email. I'll ask her what's up and it will all be fine, I'm sure.

Then there's my continuing yuckiness. Actually, all in all I'm feeling better. But I still have this lingering (and possibly worsening????) abdominal pain. Mostly I think it's on my right side - just were I know my shunt tube empties into my abdomen. But sometimes I think I feel a twinge on the left side too. So I don't know. And my shoulder/neck soreness continues as well. But now I'm sometimes noticing some pains in my neck along the path of my shunt tube.

But I'm not having migraines. I'm not vomiting. And everything I do have is so just "there". Just mildly annoying. Just noticable enough, when I'm not concentrating on other issues, to make me wonder what's going on.

This morning, in the 1:00 A.M. hour, Sweetie woke up and came into our room a couple times. Then I had trouble fallling asleep again because I could feel my pains and sorenesses and I guess it worried me a bit. It got me all concerned that something really was wrong and that I'd have to see a doctor, have surgery, miss work, and leave Hubby to take care of Sweetie all by himself. But I don't have everything at work in order enough for someone to just take over my job on such short notice. Especially during the summer time when so many coworkers have vacations planned. And......

Stop. Had Sweetie not woken us up, I would have slept right on through and not even noticed my pains. Not worked myself up about all the doom and gloom. And, sure enough, when I work up in the morning I felt fine. No worries.

Wouldn't any shunt malfunctioning result in some absolutely unbearable, non-ignorable symptoms? Like,

Warning, Warning! This is not right, lady! See a doctor NOW, you fool!,

type of symptoms?

On one had, I'd certainly think so. But then again, 10 years ago when my shunt tubing had to be replaced, it was found because I happened to mention off hand to my doctors about some uncomfortable feelings in my abdomen.

And when I was diagnosed with being allergic to latex, it was because I happened to tell my doctors that the Koosh ball I liked to play with at the time made my eyes itchy and watering.

And when I had my tethered spinal cord release surgery, it was because I happened to notice I seemed clumsier than usual and I tired more easily when walking short distances. Oh, and I had some back pain, by the way.

So, I have my follow up with my neurologist in a week or two. I'll definitely talk to him about all this. Sooner, if my concerns continue to mount. I'll keep you all posted.

So, that's it for today. Lots of mish/mosh topics. Sorry about that. But that's life - lots of things being thrown at you all at once while you're just trying to make it through the day.

Hope you're all having a good one, wherever you are.

P.S. Oh, and by the way.... I'm still looking for people to sign my Meet and Greet post. Thanks to all of you who already have - I loved hearing from you! Also, if you're a New England area Mom Blogger, I'd especially love to hear from you. I'm hoping to set up a real life meet in greet in the near future. If you'd be interested, just let me know. Let's see what we can plan! :)

Sweetie Saturday #14

Netflix movie of the day: Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Sweetie's "thing" this week is asking if things should be done or had.

Um, Daddy, should I share your cookie?

Mommy, should you read this book to me?

I think she should work on her question phrasing abilities, wouldn't you say?

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Sweetie has not been interested in going home lately. This was a nice change for Grammy and Grampy when we visited them last weekend, since we don't tend to see them as often as Nana and Papa Dave. They loved hearing Sweetie say that she didn't want to leave their house. But it hasn't only been this instance. Sweetie hasn't wanted to leave Nana's house most evenings this week either.

Last night she didn't want to leave Nana's so we asked her if she'd rather go to The O Store or home. She said the store. Fine, we needed to go anyway. But once we were done there, she cried much of the car ride saying she didn't want to go home but to another store.

I want to go to the food store for french fries and chicken and milk!

Assuring her that we already had all that waiting for us at home wasn't good enough for her.

So we've had to come up with some creative bribery. Sometimes we tell her that we just have to get in the car and see where it takes us. Maybe the car doesn't want to go home either. Or I've even had her close her eyes and imagine the place(s) she'd rather go instead of home. Both of these solutions have been mildly effective, but she's too smart to play along with us for very long. Oh well.

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My mom read my "Who Wipes?!" entry on Thursday morning. Later that day just after Sweetie peed in the potty, Sweetie took the toilet paper my mom gave her and said, Mommy wants me to wipe this way (in front) but I want to wipe this way (in back).

Given what I had just been blogging about, my mom thought this was very funny.

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Edited to add: Just today Sweetie's been saying something very interesting. Whenever we've asked her if she needs to go potty she's answered with,

No, I'm fine with my noises.

Huh? Ummmm, okaaaay. We've asked her for clarification, but she's offered none. Perhaps that's a good thing. I don't think I want to know what's talking about.

Who Wipes?!*

Why do I feel like it's a personal affront whenever Sweetie has a bathroom related accident?

(And why do I continue to ask the collective "you" of the vast, anonymous internet world your opinion on what's going on with me, whom the collective "you" wouldn't know from a hole in the wall even if you ran over me with your fancy-smancy luxury SUV? Okay, so maybe you'd spot me out if my only competitition was an actual hole in the wall - especially if I dared to bleed upon your beloved automobile - but who knows. Maybe not. ANYWAY.....)

It's not like Sweetie's standing tough, her arms akimbo, snorting, Hah! Mommy! I poop in my underwear at you! I wet the floor on which you stand! Fear me now!

Hardly. In fact, she's actually doing quite well. She's had very few accidents to speak of and those she's had have been pretty minor. I'm talking a little bit of "oops" pee before she realizes she should get herself to the potty for further relief. Or being a little too quick on the tinkling uptake before she got her pants all the way down.

But yet, whenever the accidents occur, I personally feel badly about it. Like it's my fault that I'm not more on top of asking her if she has to go potty or not. Or it's my fault I didn't insist that she take a break from whatever she's doing and give it a go on the toilet.

Like tonight. We were at our weekly chiro appointment and Sweetie was playing in the toy room. I heard her grunting and she was standing strangely, so I asked her if she had to go to the bathroom. She said no - that she would wait. But her odd sounds and posture continued until Hubby and I basically insisted she try to go (we also know that she hasn't pooped since Sunday, so things were bound to be on the move at this point). But she emphatically said no, that she was too scared. Who knows what's up with that. She's used the toilet at the doctor's office before. But she said she was scared and that it was too loud in the bathroom (there is a loud-ish fan that runs when you turn the light on). So, fine. Let's just get home.

Twenty minutes later we got home and Sweetie seemed fine again. She didn't go potty - just played with her magnetic letters on the fridge. But after a good 15 minutes or so, she was at it again. More grunts and posturing. But this time it was too late. The deed was done.

Why didn't she get herself to the potty?! I've seen her, many times, so involved with whatever game she's playing, yet still able to stop and take care of business in a timely fashion. I know she can do it. So what's going on?!

Oh, and she also had a small piddle accident earlier today at Nana's house.

And yesterday she came home from school in her "emergency" underwear and shorts (yet my mom wasn't told a thing about any such accidents taking place. Hmmmm. I'll be asking the teachers tomorrow morning about that one...).

So these recent accidents all grouped so closely together.... that gets me just a tad concerned, I guess. I know she's got a little bit of a cold and/or virus. So maybe she's just feeling badly enough healthwise to throw off her bathroom routine. I don't know. Hopefully she'll get on track again soon.

But what I really wanted to write about tonight (no, I haven't even gotten to the real topic yet) is that, now that Sweetie knows all about going in the potty, I feel like she's really got to get the whole wiping thing down. As it stands, more times than not I'll still lie her down and clean her up with baby wipes. But that's me. I think my mom is helping her more with the regular toilet paper. And that's what she's got at school too.

So I don't think she's getting clean enough. Last week she was a bit red, so I was asking Sweetie about what goes on at school. Does she go potty all by herself or does the teacher help her. Who wipes?

I think Sweetie said the teacher helped. And yesterday morning I did ask Miss Kathleen if Sweetie is getting the help she still needs in the bathroom. Well, I guess Miss Kathleen only works 1/2 the morning now, but she assured me that she does help Sweetie wipe when she's there and she's sure that the replacement teacher takes over accordingly after she's left for the day. Okay then.

I just really want to get Sweetie in the practice of helping herself. And, from what I've seen, she definitely needs my assisistance in understanding more. I've seen her "wipe" herself - by taking the teeniest, tinyest speck of toilet paper she can tear off and lightly placing it against her nether regions one time only.

The girl's got some serious learning to do. And I think I found the product to teach her.

Cottonelle seems to have answered my prayers. They've come up with both a bathroom kit for kids and some training toilet paper with paw prints on it so the child can know how much toilet paper to tear off.

Yes, it sounds kind of hokey and gimicky. But I'm gonna try it. I think Sweetie will actually get a kick out of having her own toilet paper and counting the squares she needs to use.

Here's hoping, anyway. Hey - you gotta make the learning fun, right?

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* Yet another reference to one of Sweetie's favorite movies, Madagascar - a quote from King Julian of the Lemurs.

Mama Monday #19

Theme: Forgive


Gee, this one is kind of tough. I mean, I'm coming into this week with an idea already in mind for Mama Monday. I just had to hope that the theme worked with what I have to say.

Well, I suppose it kind of does, in a round about sort of way. Actually, I can work with it if I take a somewhat different approach. That approach?...

Forgive - maybe. Forget - never.

You see, I want to tell you all about this amazing project I've recently become involved with. I happened upon a post from a blogger with a very exciting vision. His idea is to round up 2,995 individual bloggers to write tributes on September 11th to the 2,995 individuals who were killed in the U.S. tradegy that day.

The stipulations call for the contributing bloggers not to refer to the terrorists, their organization, or anything having to do with their hideous acts or goals. In d.c. roe's own words:

I don’t want any of us to remember the murderers. Do not refer to the terrorists. Or their organization. Or their goals. Let them fade into nothing. Let them be forgotten. Remember those worth remembering.

So that is exactly what I'm going to do.

If you'd like to participate, just click on over to d.c.'s blog and post a comment. He will get back to you with the name of the person he's assigned you to write about. Or, if you're like me, you can suggest a person you wish to tribute. In my case, I asked if I could honor a relative of my sister-in-law who died that day on the job as a NYC firefighter. I can't wait to learn more about this amazing, brave man and write a (hopefully) fitting tribute to his remarkable life.

So - yes. Maybe we can learn to forgive the actions of these madmen who rocked our world on that fateful day. Forgive, that is, in the same sort of way a victim of incest can "forgive" his or her attacker. The same way a parent could find it deep in their heart to "forgive" the criminal who took the life of their child. The same way we all can forgive, just a little, in order to "accept" what has happened, grieve as much as we need to, and move on from the tradegy enough so that we can again build up our country, build up our lives, and build up our spirits against all the evil that exists in this world.

But forget? NEVER. Never forget the tragedy, the pain, the shock or even the fear. If we forget, we lose and they win. AND THEY CAN'T WIN.

Never forget the innocent, alive, vibrant, men, women and children who were murdered that day in the midst of just living their lives. Just going about their day. And/or trying to help out once the need was there - not worried about their own wellbeing. Just concerned about saving as many lives as possible in the middle of all the chaos.

Please. Consider helping out. Consider paying tribute. Consider the possibility to perhaps forgive - a little - but never, ever forget.