You’ve Got This

Huh. It’s been over a month since I last wrote. When we were in the middle of Covid quarantine. All good now! Back to work, feeling fine, and more or less at least temporarily immune to catching it again - depending on who you ask. It’s complicated. 

Anyway - when I started to write this, it was December 20th, 2020, which means it was Sweetie’s 18th birthday! 

You have not been looking forward to this birthday, Sweetie. Turning 18. Becoming an official adult. You still see yourself as a little girl and you don’t think you’re ready for all the responsibilities that come along with being a grown up. 

I can’t say I can blame you, honestly. But I also want to assure you not to worry.

It’s not like a switch has flicked and we are done raising you. “You’re good to go! Be free, my child! You’ve got this - have a great life.” No, it’s not like that at all. 

In fact, nothing has really changed, other than you can now vote, and it’s up to you to sign documents about your own health and personal dealings. But we can still advise you on what you’re signing, if you want our input. It’s up to you. Frankly, though, I’m not all that worried about any decisions you’ll make for yourself. Decisions that require paperwork, or not. You HAVE got this! You’re smarter and more reasonable than you give yourself credit for when it comes to making important choices about what’s best for you. 

You are an extremely careful and cautious person. You do not take any chances when it comes to your own safety or that of those you love. You always err on the side of care and self preservation. Maybe to a fault. And maybe - almost certainly - this has a little to do with the touch of anxiety that twitches in your brain. That alert of fear that makes you just a bit nervous to move ahead on certain uncertain things. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It’s good to be safe, to be cautious, to take your time. You look at the facts, you take the time for self reflection, you don’t let yourself be swayed by others’ mere, possibly uneducated opinions. You do you, and you are proud of it. And we are proud of you every time you stand up for your own convictions. 

This trait of yours - to do and think as you wish, no matter others’ attempted influence - goes way back. We remember your kindergarten teacher telling us how you always played with the toys and tools you wanted during free time, never following along with what the other kids were doing. Even those kids you had become friendly with. Nope. You stuck to your guns and entertained yourself exactly how you wanted to be entertained. 

You are thoughtful. You sometimes think you have no particular opinion on certain subjects  - especially “grown up” subjects such as politics or finances. But you do have opinions, and understanding! And you can be very mature about what you think and how you express yourself. I remember when you were younger - maybe 4th grade or so - and we surprised you after school by taking you to the space and science museum. There was a gift shop at the museum and you asked us if this was a buying day or a just looking day. It had to be a “just looking” day, we told you. But you put up no fuss, didn’t ask for anything, understood that money could be a struggle for us. You respected and accepted our answer and went on about your surprise treat of an afternoon having the time of your life. Simple as that.  

It may take you a minute or two to collect your thoughts in order to express them in a way that makes sense to you. But when you do speak them... well, those thoughts make sense to anyone listening. You are clear, well spoken and smart about why you believe in a certain thing, why you think a certain way. You clearly state what you need. We are constantly in awe of how well you can express what you’re thinking and why. You are wise beyond your years. 

This may come through the most after you’ve experienced a bit of a meltdown. Meltdowns are something you experience when your senses have been overwhelmed. It’s a common happening for you, or anyone like you, who lives their life managing ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) symptoms. So, yes, you may melt down, cry, yell, run away and slam doors. But we have learned to let you be when this happens. We give you a few minutes and, sure enough, in just a little bit you will inevitably come back to us, now calmed down, and tell us with a cool head the emotions you’re feeling, why you’re feeling them, and what you need from us to make a change for the better so that maybe this won’t happen again. Your words are wise and well thought out and we are always impressed. You know who you are and what you need from yourself and others to get by. 

You are brave! To be able to voice these thoughts and opinions as clearly as you do, backed up with good reasoning and understanding of the situation at hand - well, it’s just beautiful to watch. And what’s more, you don’t care if others around you feel differently than you do. You know how you feel. You’re fine with - actually encourage - others to know and express their own true hearts. But whatever they all think or do is not going to stop you from trusting your own heart and living your life the best way you see fit for you. Most people your age want so much to fit in, be liked, and do the cool, popular thing. But you! You are bravely living your best life, no matter what others may say or think. And yet, you would never, ever admit to this bravery in this way. It’s just what one should do, how a person should be - true to their own self. You’re just living your life, making the most out of the cards you’ve been dealt - and doing it beautifully, in our opinion.. 

You are kind and loyal. You truly care about others - all people everywhere, but especially those you love. You are a fierce defender not only of your own rights and beliefs, as described above, but also everyone else’s as well. You keep others’ confidences, even if they haven’t expressly asked you to. This, like all your wonderful characteristics, have been a part of you all your life. I remember asking you at some point in middle school if one friend or another of yours had a boyfriend or girlfriend. You wouldn’t tell me because you said it was not your information to share nor my information to know. Fair enough. But on the other hand, you understand when the important secrets need to be shared, and have asked for our help with big issues the few rare times when they have crept into your realm of existence. You just know how to take care of people - including yourself - and do what needs to be done to make sure that happens. Plain and simple. 

Don’t get me wrong - you have your quirks. You do things we don’t like. You could be much more eloquent for our taste in how you get along with others from time to time. But you are you. At least Dad and I know why you sometimes behave in less than desirable ways. You have challenges you struggle with every day - struggles that the rest of us can’t even pretend to fully understand. But we have learned a lot and try to do the best we can to understand for ourselves who you are as a whole person. And we do what we can to educate others when they need a little bit more understanding themselves. We’ve taken care to make sure your particular needs are met. And I think we’ve done a pretty good job. Enough so that you have learned what you need to do for yourself in most cases. You’re doing great! We are so proud. 

So. You are 18. Officially an adult in the eyes of  U.S. law. But this is just the beginning. This is just a small stepping stone towards greater adventures, more adult responsibilities, and your whole life ahead of you. We are still here for you, and will be for as long as you need us. And I have a little secret for you... you will always need us, in one way or another. Just like we need you, now and always. I can’t imagine a world or a time when I won’t worry about you, or think of you, or hope that you are making good decisions for yourself and what will be your own family one day. 

But from what you’ve demonstrated already? I’m not all that concerned, really. Yeah, you’ve got this. You will be - you are - one fine human being. And we love you so much. Happy birthday, Swee. Keep on keepin on.