I guess I can, and maybe even should, first give a brief update on Sweetie. When last we gathered together here at Sweetie & Me, we were just celebrating her 15th birthday. Today she is 17 and a half and has finished her Junior Year in high school. However, in a fascinating twist of events, she will be entering Junior Year 2.0 at the end of August. Since she entered her STEM charter school at the start of 8th grade, not 6th grade which is the first grade available at Junior/Senior High School, she was a little behind in credit accruals. So she basically has 3 semesters of credits still to take in what would only be 2 semesters if she moved on to Senior Year. So - she's a Junior again. With a fair amount of room for Electives and study halls. It will be good for her and she has a great sense of relief in this taking of time. No need to rush toward graduation. This is not a race. It's all good.
Another Sweetie snapshot to take a quick look at. Just over 2 years ago we complete a year-long process of moving towards a significant diagnosis for her. Just over 2 years ago, Sweetie was officially diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, Executive Function Disorder, and a tendency towards anxiety (but not quite "there" enough to be diagnosed with an official Anxiety Disorder.) The previous year to this, she was diagnosed with ADHD, Combined Form. These diagnoses did not come to myself, my husband or Sweetie herself as a surprise, and they have actually offered great opportunity for growth and development - for all of us. I won't get into any of these details now. Maybe not ever. Who knows. But just to say that Sweetie has dealt with some struggles her whole life, struggles that are now defined. This definition has given her, and us, a jumping off point for dealing with them in healthy, useful ways. She's doing beautifully and has grown into a truly insightful, caring, truth-seeking young woman. A young woman who learns more and more each day about what is best for her understanding of the world around her, and how to communicate her needs to others in correct and useful ways. She's doing great!
As for me. As for this blog. I think we're going to see a significant shift here in post topics. Not only because Sweetie is 5 months away from 18 year old adulthood. She certainly doesn't need me sharing her life's details with the world anymore (I do that enough, still, on Facebook, anyway.) But because I find my life's changes and personal care needs changing - needing more attention in my own right. So, yeah. This blog may be titled Sweetie & Me. But it's time. Time to focus on me. Looking forward to doing that here. Letting my readers know what it's like for me currently as a physically disabled mom... of a physically able child. You got years of me going on and on about, really, just typical "mom stuff" where the disability hardly reared its (increasingly ugly) head. But now I'm older, maybe wiser, and - as I said - in a bit more of an "ugly" way in terms of my disability. (No huge worries. It's just that getting older sucks. Getting older with a physical disability really sucks.) And I'm feeling I need to get back to writing.
Writing has always made me see things more clearly. Helped me sort things out. Helped me find my paths. And lately I've been feeling trapped. Trapped in the house, trapped in my bodily aches and pain, and trapped by my thoughts. That I want to get out. I want so much to write! But I also have a sense of... is it fear? Privacy that I want to maintain? Yet, at the same time, wanting to share my story, share my truth with my readers the best way I know how. Yet, at the same time, not overly worrying certain potential readers of mine with the way I see my life. What I live with everyday. It may be too much for some readers. Readers who are close to me in real life. And so, to not concern anyone unnecessarily, I haven't written. I don't write. And, in not writing, I'm doing myself a disservice. Like I said, writing is and always has been a sort of life saver to me. My written words bring me back to a sense of calm, a sense of reality that is much more manageable than floating disparate thoughts and feelings floating around my head, untethered. I need some tethering. I mean, other than the spinal cord tethering I've already got going on. Which I certainly could do without, actually.
And so - screw it all! I'm going to write. At least for myself and for a small, trusted army of interested readers. And by "readers" I mean, so far, just one (other than those who happen to stumble upon my blog without any particularly advertising of it, that is.) But I know this particular reader will hear my truth in not only what I'm saying it, but how I'm saying it. Sometimes (a lot of times) it's the craft of writing that's more important (or at least equally important) than the writer's topic of choice. And that's what I need my readers to know and understand. Yes, I may write a post about my loneliness during this time of Covid 19 pandemic (oh yeah, that's going on too - I haven't mentioned yet.) But it doesn't mean that my readers need be concerned for my wellbeing or that I've gone off the deep end into a lonely abyss. I may need to write about my back and leg pain. Yo - it's pretty bad. But it doesn't mean my readers need to necessarily treat me with careful kid gloves in real life, not letting me do things for myself and live as normally as I am able.
Anyway, I just need to write. And I'm happy to get back to it. Thrilled, actually! It took some time for me to dive into this post and start feeling comfortable at the keyboard again. But here we are, and here I am getting my groove on and feeling pretty darn comfy already.
Looking forward to this new path that my writing is helping me locate and start down. Looking forward to sharing with my small but mighty audience, and seeing whom and if I want to share with others as well.
Here's to a new start! Let's go...
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