Saturday, September 12, 2020

A Part vs. Apart

About a decade ago this weekend, maybe 11 years ago, I remember it was a cold and rainy few days on the Maine coast. It was our first time visiting Ferry Beach with several other members of our newfound family. Our church family. And, even though it was cold and rainy, we were in Heaven. This! This was the idyllic place that would become our annual post-Labor Day retreat get away. 

(Oh, and the 3rd picture down on my blog header? Of Sweetie twirling in the yellow cup? That’s at Ferry Beach. Every year I’d at least try to get her to let me take this year’s version of the same picture there on the playground. Not as easy to do as she got older. But I do have several others similar to this one.  Fun to see her twirling through the years.)

All this time later and we still look forward to this gathering of good friends, ocean breezes, talent shows, crafts, social hour, coffee on the porch, marathon games, trivia contests, communal meals, services in The Grove, and as much community or alone reflection time as one can desire. It’s all up to you.

Except this year. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic still trying to control our every move, our Ferry Beach weekend was cancelled. Oh, there was still hope for awhile. Any of our members could have decided on their own that they still wanted to go. But as a whole church, the overwhelming majority thought (ours included) was that it just wasn’t safe to go. So - we are not there. 

Only one other time in the last 11 years, since we started going, have we 3 not gone, and that was in order to celebrate my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary with family. That year, we were sad to miss regathering with our church family after a summer away from each other, yet happy enough to know that Ferry Beach weekend was underway anyway and we’d see everyone the next weekend when we joined again in church to start another year together. 

But today - this weekend - none of our church family is at Ferry Beach. Furthermore, this year’s next weekend will not see us all joining together again in person. However, this year - tomorrow! - we will gather again for the new normal we’ve started to get used to - Zoom church. Our annual Water Communion service. Where, sometimes, we and/or fellow church members bring what we call “virtual water” with us, representing meaningful summer adventures we’ve had - like weekends away at Ferry Beach, for example. Well, guess what? This year, even the real water contributed for the service will, in essence, be virtual as we watch, via Zoom, the drops flow together, representing our coming together again for another church year, all as one. 

Ferry Beach. Our church. Our church family. Oh, how I miss them. We 3 all have. Not to say there aren’t opportunities to at least virtually be with one another. There were summer services. There are small group ministries. There are virtual and real life groups that enjoy various activities together, like crafting, book discussing, and social service enterprising. 

And have I chosen to include myself in any of these? No. And when, in better times, we have actually gone to church, per usual, am I a social butterfly before service or at coffee hour after, chit chatting with everyone I possibly can? No. In fact, a lot of times we head home very shortly after service, bypassing everyone else as they sip their coffee or tea and nibble on some treats. 

So, you might ask, if it doesn’t appear that I mingle with my fellow church goers much anyway, where do I get off saying that I miss church and its people? 

Well, I just do. I guess I liken my relationship with my church family to that of an old, comfy relationship. It just feels good to be in that sanctuary, to see those people, to hear the hubbub of friendly chatter, laughter, sometimes tears, hugs, singing, music...everything. Joys and concerns. No talking necessarily needed. Just listening.

Our affirmation. Our weekly tradition of centering ourselves together. Deeply listening to and loving not only our new minister, but the sermons being thoughtfully crafted and enthusiastically delivered. Learning together, questioning together, challenging each other to be the best versions of ourselves not just for this one hour together, but always. Out into the world. Let it be so. 

See, my church family and I (and Hubby and Sweetie) - we’re all like-minded. For me, just being with them every week motivates me to be better, do better, and carry that light everywhere I go. At least that’s the idea. Do any of us truly work towards the betterment of ourselves and the world with every breath and step we take? Well, I won’t speak for others, I guess, but for me, I know I could always do more. Lots more. But I try. And I care. And I want improvement all around - for myself and others. And I aim to keep trying, every day. To educate myself more, to question more, to be more.

At our church, that’s the goal. Be kind to yourself and to others, to listen, to question, to learn. To be and do goodness. However, in your own way, big or small, that that happens for you. And then try again tomorrow. Repeat.

Just being in that physical space with those people surrounding each other and me. That’s enough for me to carry on, reminding me to continue on my pursuit of all things good.

Anyway... what’s my point here? I’m writing this post on my little iPhone because Sweetie is trying (trying!) to work on some homework she is not at all interested in. That’s super difficult for someone with ADHD and Autism. It’s taken her all day of postponing to now finally sit down and try. I could have told her at any point that I actually want to use the computer and write. But, no. I’m not giving her another reason to put off her work, just so I can write. I can do it on my phone, as painstaking as it is. It’s actually okay. I’ve done it before (or on whatever non-phone version of a traveling device it was at the time.)

At least once before, in fact. All those years back, 10 or 11 years ago, at Ferry Beach. Back when I was a regular blogger with a strict posting schedule to maintain. Who cares that I was away at the beach! Who cares that I didn’t have a computer or laptop available to me! I have to write! I have to post! And I will - with my little device. It’ll work. And it did. 

And I did it today too. I’ve written my post. Granted, I don’t feel as “one” with my thoughts successfully getting onto the page as I usually do as I sit at the desk and computer. I feel a lot more “all over the place“ in today’s electronic scribblings. But I’ll read it back. I’ll make edits. I'll give it a bit before posting. 

But I will post. Because writing, and sharing that with others, fills my soul.

And we will, one day, return to Ferry Beach with our church family. And into our church itself, as soon as we can agree - and we’re advised - that it’s safe to do so. And, with that, I will feel complete again, participating in our regular weekly lessons on love, laughter and life. Just to be surrounded by these people, these lessons, is enough to fill my soul. 

But being apart from them? Zoom church is fine and I do look forward to our first service tomorrow and for all those to come in the weeks ahead. 

It’s just not the same as being together in person. At the beach, in church, anywhere. 

Not the same at all.

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