Purpose. Annoyances. Effort. Life.

He always has something to do. 40 hrs. a week job, plus overtime. Another occasional sideline job. Shopping. Laundry. Cooking. Preparing dinner plates. Working on projects in his workshop (currently a time sensitive project he was commissioned to do by a friend.) He’s on 2 Boards of Directors - one as VP, one as Secretary. Lots of effort into everything he does. He is always moving. And I love him for it.

She goes to one of the top STEM-focused charter schools in the U.S., a 2nd year Junior this year because there are too many requirements to fit into one Senior year. At least, for her. She struggles with ADHD, High Functioning Autism, Executive Functioning Dysfunction and a touch of Anxiety thrown in. All this to say - she’s super smart and works best with clear rules, expectations and structure. So, her rigid, intense school requirements actually work really well for her.... if she’s not overwhelmed by the work, getting distracted from the work, can maintain an interest in the work, etc. She’s got loads to do, and has loads of good intentions to get things done. But then she... needs to go to the bathroom, get a sweater, a snack, then remembers that she forgot to brush her teeth, realizes she’s at a good stopping point (hasn’t even started) to take her (very long) shower. Then it’s time to eat again. Then, then, then.... it doesn’t appear that she is willing to always put in the effort. But we know she always intends to do well, even if her mind works against her in getting there. She is always moving. And I love her in spite of it.

The times that it looks like she’s actually working, she’s recently admitted that she may not in fact be working at all (she is super honest, at least there’s that.) She may be playing a game, watching a video, or texting with friends - if the schoolwork subject isn’t holding her interest. But now I know this and I can never really know what she’s doing. So - she thought I was naggy before about getting her onto her work. Now I’m really naggy. But, the more I nag, the less likely she is to do what needs to be done. We can never tell her what to do. She’s going to do her own thing in her own way no. matter. what. 

I am always with her. Evenings, while he’s at work, and weekends when he’s doing All. The. Things. She can and does easily view me as the bad guy, always harping on her to sit down already and get to work. But, again, it really doesn’t matter what I or he says, or how we say it. She’s doing it her way, always. 

So - he actually is doing everything humanly possible, and then some. She needs to be doing a whole lot more, in a more timely manner, than she is or believes herself to be capable of doing. She’s capable. Very capable. But her mind gets in her way. All the time. 

And I? I do what I can. I sit on the couch. Will fold laundry - eventually when it’s brought to me. But he or she has to deliver the folded piles to where they belong. I’ll clean the bathroom sink and toilet when need be. Put the new roll of toilet paper on the roll, like no one else seems to know how to do. I’ll occasionally put dishes in the  dishwasher or empty it. But there are others in the house who do this as well, so it’s by no means even close to a regular chore for me. I’ll prepare myself a weekend lunch. Make myself a cup of tea - but have her or him bring the prepared cup into where I’m sitting. I play lots of games on my phone. I read. And I wait for family time together. Which may not come on any particular day, if he and she are too busy or trying to settle enough to finally be busy at work that needs to get done. So, if this is the case, I... I don’t know. Go to bed early I guess.

Me? I don’t have work that needs doing. Well - I pay the bills. Balance the money. But I do this from the computer. The same computer she uses to complete a fair amount of her schoolwork. Schoolwork comes first. So I wait my turn. Maybe I’ll get my turn in earlier before she’s even awake on the weekends, or right when I get home after work. But maybe not. It depends on what she’s got going on. 

I’m in pain. It hurts to be on my feet, up and about. So I sit a lot, which is far less painful. But - the more I sit, the stiffer I get and the more painful it is when I’m up and about. So - I shouldn’t sit so much. So I get up. I do the things I’m able to do. It’s good for me to move. But then I’m in so much pain that I just want to sit again. So I do. But that’s not good for me either. Stiffness and pain takes over, evident when I try to get up the next time. Which I must. Repeat cycle... 

I am not always moving. But maybe I should be moving more. Or not. Who knows. 

I’m annoyed by my chiropractor. 2 visits a week, every week. For months now. And no relief. Often she seems like she’s going through the motions with no personal attention to my needs. Other times we have long conversations about things I can and should do for myself. Only for her to ask me sometime later if I’m doing a certain thing - something she should well know that I’m doing because we’d previously talked about it at length! I’m sure I’m just irked because of the lack of pain relief. But I need to keep seeing her because, once I have the nerve stimulator placed, that will only help the pain. I’ll need to rely on her for the physical well being of the structure of my spine.

Speaking of this nerve stimulator... what a long, crazy process this has been. All the hoops to jump though - ridiculous! And here I am, set to jump through the last hoop later this week, and they still tell me the procedure won’t happen until November! It seems to me that a procedure specifically meant to help someone in constant pain would be something that would be able to be scheduled as quickly as possible. Want a nose job? I bet you could schedule that for next week. Want to stop living in pain? Sorry, you’ve got several things to do to set up this procedure. 5 or 6 months down the road, we might be ready for you. I’m calling tomorrow to see about that. Why on earth can’t it be sooner?! 

I love my job, but after each weekend I feel like I just want one more day off from the office. Sure! I can take a day. Call myself out. That would be okay. Except... what exactly will I do with that extra day off? That’s right. Nothing. Just sit on the couch and have another boring day at home just like the 2 weekend days I’ve already had. Big whoop. I don’t need that either. Might as well just go to work I guess. 

And Mondays start off with a trip to the chiropractor. Yay. One more visit to pay for without physical relief from pain. Great. 

And he’ll start his work week too. And she’ll try to continue to climb out of her deep hole of schoolwork.

And I’ll continue on as I do. Not with much work, outside of work itself.

As little moving as I can get away with.

Not with much purpose, it often feels like, to me. Not as much as him or her, anyway.

A fair amount of mounting daily annoyances.  

But with a whole lot of effort. I can assure you that.