Easing Back Into Things...

... with a Tall Tale...

By Sweetie...

The Story of the fork & spoon

(a tall tale)

once apon a time there was a fork & spoon.

Then they were on a machine. Spoon said "help! I'm bleeding!," 

fork said "that's not blood, that's red coloring.,"

(Plastic-o-fier)

When they got off the machine they looked even better.

(I had Sweetie correct her misspellings for this page.)

then they became party utensils.

then someone used them. that was cool.

Then they went on a car trip.

they shared chocolate coverd almonds

(yum)

then they had asparagus.

THE END

(bye!) (See you next time!)

The 3 R's

Relieved, Relaxed and Rejuvenated!

Wow! Thank you, everyone, for your lovely comments on my last posts. You've truly made me feel better - not only validated, but also relieved, relaxed and, most of all, rejuvenated to start blogging again! Beyond the comments on the specific circumstances surrounded my last 2 part post, your very presence gave me a real Sally Fields-type moment. "You like me! You really like me!" Pitiful that I need to hear that? Maybe. But so, so good for the soul to know that people like to read your writing, see what you have to say, and look forward to anytime you get around to saying it. Thank you for that lift! I needed it.

Writing that post, as I predicted at the onset, did allow me to let some steam off about the whole situation. Writing always does that for me. I can't quite work things out for myself just thinking about situations. And even talking about things... well, I'm just a must better writer than talker. Talking would most likely only frustrate me more, not to mention the poor people doomed to listen to me babble on and on - Lord knows they don't want to hear it... for the umpteenth time... again! And so I write.

That last post took me at least 2 1/2 hours of non-stop writing to get all out. And yet the time just flew by. Sweetie was actually here in the house with me as I wrote, but old enough to entertain herself while I did my thing. And after finishing? That was it. That's all I needed. I felt better, I had gotten everything I was feeling inside out into the world, and I could finally let it go. Writing truly is a healing art.

And then you all began to comment. Writing alone really would have been satisfactory enough for me. But your comments. Wow! There are other people out there who have felt this same way! Whose kids act the same way! Who have overreacted along with their kids in certain situations instead of taking the high road and dealt with things in a calmer, more properly parental manner! I am not the only one! And, not only that, but a reminder that things are rarely as bad as you - in the middle of the situation - think they are to those who are observing from not so close by. Thank you all, for helping in so many ways.

And so, with all this... reminders of how great it feels to write, reminders of the folks who are interested in reading what I have to say, reminders of what I want to share with the world... I am renewing my vow to commit to this blog. Of course it figures, in a way, that I'm feeling rejuvenated now, of all times, to get back into it. On Monday I will be starting my 2nd part time job. So now I will work 4 mornings a week and 5 afternoons a week (instead of just the morning hours.) And summer vacation started a week ago for Sweetie. So when I'm not working, I'm sure to want to spend some time hanging out with her. But you know what? I've always said that I enjoy a challenge. I used to maintain this blog multiple times a week along with my full time working hours, when Sweetie was younger and needed more of my attention. I can do it again, with not even half that many outside working hours. I am excited to get going again!

First thing first - I really need to clean up my side bars. There are blogs mentioned there that are no longer maintained or have different addresses that need updating. There's too much ad clutter. Things just need to be pared down. And as I've also mentioned semi-recently, I'd love to get a new look for my site. I love that baby picture of Sweetie up top there, but she's almost 7 1/2 now! I need a change. I'm excited to see how this place can be spruced up a bit!

Look for me to start regularly posting again. I'm not going to promise anything too drastic at this point, but certainly we could say at least once a week. Hopefully more - we will see.

Thanks again for your kind words and your interest in reading. With your interest, and my love for writing, we can go far!

Here's to a fresh start!

A Case of Mom Calling the Kiddo Whack? (Part 1)

No one reads this here blaaawg anymore, right? So what the hay. I'll use it and abuse it to let go of a little steam, I'll (potentially) feel better, and no one will be the wiser. Sounds like a win/win situation to me! Cool. On we go!

So since about March, I think, Sweetie has been taking weekly "performance" classes in a town about a half hour away. We signed her up for, essentially, musical theater class - level 1. What that actually turned out to be was a weekly hour long class consisting of a half hour of singing lesson and a half hour of dance lesson. Whatever. Not exactly acting, but the stepping stones of such nonetheless. She seemed to really enjoy it and I was happy to take her for the fun, learning, and socialization.

The whole class culminated in her class having a spot in the performance school's year end show. Basically, a dance recital show at which her particular class would have a number where they danced and sang at the same time (and another number where they only sung while a more advanced level of the group both sang and danced.)

This final show was this past Saturday. 15 members of our family (including Hubby and I) - and one house guest of my parents' (someone we know from church) - came to support our little Sweetie in her very-first-ever-recital-on-the-very-same-stage-her-cousins-have-danced-on-in-their-recitals-OMG-how-very-exciting!!!! She got to wear a costume! And makeup! And maybe people would give her flowers! This was the greatest!!!!

I dropped Sweetie off in the designated area for the performers, then went with Hubby to meet the rest of our large group. I wished Sweetie luck as I left her (to tell her to "break a leg" would have been too confusing to her, causing too much explanation and it just wasn't worth it.) And, knowing her tendencies from past school concerts to be all-consuming worried upon first getting on stage until she spots a familiar face in the crowd, I told her "don't look for us in the audience." Just do her thing and don't worry about that.

"Okay, Mommy!" as she skipped happily away into the general buzz of back stage chaos.

As the whole famn damily sat down in our seats, my mom asked if I told Sweetie to not look for us (Ha! See - we all know the ways of one little Sweetie).

"Yes, but I don't know how well it actually sank into her head (that is - who knows if she really heard me or not.)

Time would tell...

The show started. It was pretty much your typical dance recital, except with the older teenagers doing some truly impressive theatrical dance numbers unlike anything I'd ever seen in recitals before. Sweetie's group was not in the first half of the show.

Intermission. Second half. Here comes Sweetie's group!

Uh. She was singing, as she was supposed to be. But she was looking to the side. A lot. And not particularly interested in her singing. Much more interested in continuing her intense stares off to the side.

I thought at first that the bright lights bothered her. I instantly felt really bad/guilty for not warning her of these really bright lights. Poor Sweetie.

Then after a bit came her group's singing/dancing number. It was great!.. Well, you know. As great as a bunch of 7 and 8 year old girls can be who haven't exactly made it their life's work to master the detailed nuances of each little dance step or each precise note. And the start of it was confusing/off because the band's playing sounded nowhere near like the notes of the song they were to sing. But still, it was cute...

...until the end of that number. I knew it was a tricky ending. Three rounds of the chorus before the forth time around saw a bit of a change to the words. I helped Sweetie practice this quite a bit, so she'd get used to what to sing, for how long, before the words changed a bit. She got to be really good at it and truly knew her stuff. She was all set.

Too bad her 5 performance mates were not so wonderfully aware of how it all wrapped up. And so, unfortunately for Sweetie, majority ruled and the lyric change-up - and accompanying dance steps, came about at the end of the third chorus repeat. Not the forth. Uh oh.

Yes, I told Sweetie that no matter what happened, "just keep swimming." I told her a lot. Over and over. That is, there is no way she did not have this concept firmly implanted in her brain. However, Sweetie IS Sweetie, after all. And Sweetie was none too happy - AT ALL - about this mix up. At all.

As the other girls in her group finished as close to the proper way they had practiced to end, Sweetie threw her arms out to her sides in exasperation. The other girls left the stage, as they were supposed to. Sweetie stood in disbelief. She stood firm, looking/pouting off stage to, presumably, one of her teachers or whatever other adult was nearby. Whomever it was backstage, finally convinced Sweetie to get off the stage. Sweetie started to cry. My heart - as it was already breaking from the disappointment I knew Sweetie must be feeling ("they didn't do it right! They did the change the third time around, not the fourth!") - finally broke clean in half.

I instinctively felt like I should go to Sweetie to comfort her. But my family stopped me. They said the teachers would take care of her. I shouldn't go anywhere.

I stayed, but I really could not enjoy the rest of the show. A few acts were good enough to catch my attention and almost turn my spirits around, but the looooooonnnnnnnnggggggg breaks between, what?, the last 3 or 4 songs ("What in the world are they doing back there! This is absolutely ridiculous!") returned my mood to just as sour - if not moreso - as it was after Sweetie's breakdown. :(

Oh well. Finally, FINALLY, the end of the show came. But, of course, it's never quite the end until the Director says it's the end, gosh darn it! Every last performer from every last class had to come on stage for final applauds. Flowers had to be distributed. Final dances of graduating dancers had to be danced. Thank you's said (all without mikes on the speakers mind you.) It was flippin' awesome. Heh.

But... back to all the performers on stage while all this flower giving, speech making, final dance dancing was going on...

There was Sweetie, stage left with her dance crew, yo, desperately - and I do mean desperately - absolutely scouring the audience for our family (or probably, in her mind, just me and her Daddy. Whatever.) Both hands covering her forehead, keeping the bright lights as much out of her eyes as possible, not paying a lick of attention to anything else going on onstage. Just. Searching.

This was a good 10 or 15 minutes, people. Maybe longer???

Trouble was. Sweetie was almost constantly looking off to the left side seats. Our family was in the center.

Remember - we were a group of 16. We took up almost an entire row, and then some. And ALL of us saw Sweetie's, sad, pitiful, So Sad, "no one is here for me at all!," so so pitifully sad searching. Finally standing up at the end up it all in sad, pitiful, pouty defeat. Head hanging low. Her arms out wide to the side again, presumably telling one of her classmates that she just can't find her family ANYWHERE!

And nearly all 16 of us - well, let's say at least half of us - were crazily waving our hands every few seconds this whole time so that Sweetie would actually see us. Making damn FOOLS of ourselves - right there in the middle of the auditorium as so many things we should have been paying attention to were happening on stage. Totally not listening. Totally not watching respectfully. Only waving frantically just so poor, sad, pitiful little Sweetie would notice us! What the heck?!!!

Phew! I am working myself up here again, people! It's been, what?, Four days now and I still can't let this go! And I haven't even gotten to the "good" (ha!) part yet!

(to be continued...)

Mom Calling the Kiddo Whack (Part 2)

(continued from previous post...)

SO! The whole thing, now, is TRULY finally over and I ask my oldest brother to please go retrieve Sweetie from the stage - Sweetie who is now, again, in full out tears because (presumably) she could not find us and, therefore, no one is actually here for her to have witnessed her show. Poor, poor Sweetie. Let me get by. I need to see my Sweetie. She needs me. Needs reassurance. She's so woefully sad. My baaaby!

My brother gets her off stage. Grabs her up in his arms. They're coming towards us. She is crying. Oh, the heartbreak!

She's put down and comes towards me. I open my arms to her for a comforting hug and to let her know what a great job she did.

She pushes me away. Pushes. Me. Away.

"I couldn't find you!"

"I know! Those lights are so bright! But we all saw you! You were great! Good job!"

"You TOLD me to find you!"

(Whoa. This is one angry, snippy girl. And there goes my sympathy. Bye bye)

"No. I didn't. I told you to NOT look for us."

"No!! You told me I SHOULD look for you!"

(and the sympathy goes completely out to sea. On a nice sea cruise. With cocktails.)

"Okay. So your letting this ruin the whole night for you and it's all my fault, then. I get it"

And, of course, 7 year old girls obviously don't quite get the concept of facetiousness and she proceeded to BLAME ME, repeatedly, loudly, angrily for her terrible situation to various members of our family as they tried, God love them, to praise Sweetie, present her with flowers, and/or otherwise comfort her from her, what?, overwhelming certainty that no one was there for her performance???

Finally, after the rest of the family more or less gave up and proceeded to the back of the auditorium, leaving Hubby and I to deal with calming Sweetie the heck down, we too made our (angry) way up to meet them. Sweetie saying once again that it was "all Mom's fault." And I, just as angrily as she could ever be, let her know that I was actually kidding when I said that, you know.

Blah, blah, blah... Sweetie was angry (or maybe it was sadness/scaredness - but presented in a very angry way) and unreasonable/unconsolable (so many family members trying to reassure her!) Which only made to heighten my anger/unreasonableness of the situation. Sweetie now moving on to other issues. Like how her "boots" (a.k.a. white plastic-y things up tightly to her shins) were "too tight and we'd never get them off. Never! Too tight!" From that point on I really can't tell you if Sweetie was truly That Bad, or my anger had reached such a level that I imagined her behavior much worse than it was in reality. 

At any rate. I had truly Had It. The whole family was now involved in this awkward, uncomfortable situation with Sweetie still snapping about whatever she could and Hubby and I snapping back. In my anger I declared Sweetie to be Done. Obviously her not finding us had ruined the whole entire show for her. She obviously couldn't handle this At All. No more acting lessons for her. She killed it for herself. Good job, Sweetie. Good going.

Family left. Her oldest attending cousin stopped to give more reassuring words - more about how "those lights are so bright and you can't see anything, but we all saw you and you were great!". And our friend from church - a teenager who absolutely adores Sweetie - was so awesome and came excitedly up to her to express how awesome Sweetie was, how good she was, and how happy she was to have been able to come to the show. She picked Sweetie up her arms for a great big squeeze. 

Both of these encounters, plus a bit of time, I suppose, had finally worked to at least stop Sweetie's tears and anger. We all left. 

And as we closed our car doors, I started my own tearful rant.

45 minutes home. Almost 45 minutes of Sweetie being forced to listen to Hubby and I (okay, mostly me) speak at her about how disappointed we were in her behavior. How we should be so happy right now, so excited for her and congratulatory - not angry, sad and punishing her. How much we'd been looking forward to seeing her in her show and how her terrible behavior had completely ruined everything. How she would be writing apology letters to every family member who came. How we didn't think she deserved to finish out the month left of classes. How she'd not be able to take classes again in the fall. Who would want to take time out of their schedule to come to one of her shows, anyway, if this was how she was going to behave. How very, very disappointing this whole thing had turned out thanks to her awful, unacceptable behavior.

She sat there and took it all in. "Yes, Mom." "Yes, Dad." Not fighting anymore. Not disagreeing. Not crying! Just took it. As well she should have.

We got home, she got ready for bed, I poured myself a glass of wine and Hubby got a beer (beverages we simply NEVER have at such a late time of the day, unless we're having a party or some such entertainment. But they were sorely needed now.) We were all done saying our peace.

Hubby put Sweetie to bed, and I was able to do as I usually do and hug her goodnight, also starting to reassure her that we love her always, no matter what - it's just behaviors and actions that we are sometimes disappointed in.

"I know, Mom. I know you always love me no matter what."

Wow. THAT's impressive. Actually, her not sobbing all the way home as we laid into her, plus her ability - at 7 years old - to grasp the concept that she is loved always even when we are angry - I give her that as a very mature thing to have a handle on at her age. 

The next day, before church, she wrote her letters to Nana and Papa plus the one for our church friend. After church, she was not to do anything until the other letters were written. They were all written, in short order, with no fuss. Put in Monday's mail. I presume all have been received by this point.

Hubby and I both admit to being quick to temper. We are both stubborn. Believe me, we are not at a complete loss for where Sweetie's similar behavior comes from. So maybe this really is a case of the pot calling the kettle black - and being really angry about it! But I, for one, am absolutely sick of disciplining her - of having to deal with her poor behavior - in front of family and friends. This incident marked the second time in a row, in recent days. Hubby and I are both sick of snapping back at her to "speak nicely!" when she snaps at others about one thing or the other. Great, huh? Us using snappy, angry tones when we're needing to get her to use nice tones. But on the other hand - I can't see our saying sweetly, "Now, Sweetie. Speak nicely please" as we demurely shake our finger at her and "tsk tsk" as a disciplinary action that would work either. 

I don't know if I'm more embarrassed about the family witnessing her, and my, angry temper or if I still can't believe how utterly awful her behavior was. I can't decide if maybe her behavior, in the end, wasn't all THAT terrible and it was just my personal anger toward her and the situation that clouded my perception of the whole thing. Or if we've suitably disciplined her enough - or too much - for all that transpired that night. I just don't know...

Parenting is hard. Sweetie really is, generally speaking a good girl. She eats too slowly. She doesn't always listen. But she's a good, caring, smart girl. So when she veers away from her typical good behavior, it's just so shockingly difficult and troubling to deal with. 

I'd like my Owner's Manual now, please. Thanks. 

Seven is Heaven!

The instant gratification of FaceBook has all but ruined me for blogging, I admit it.

Instead of posting something like a Sweetie Saturday as I used to, now I just put the cute/funny/silly/whatever thing Sweetie just did to make me laugh as my status on my FaceBook profile. And people usually comment on them. More usually than people comment here - that's for sure! Probably because my FaceBook friends are mostly actual friends and/or family of mine. Most of whom know Sweetie in person and can truly appreciate her goofy brilliance in all its glory.

I update my status, I get to spout off in short little spurts about my awesome Sweetie, and people respond. It's great!

The only downside is that I feel sometimes that I write too much about Sweetie in my status updates. Oh well. That's a mom for ya.

But anyway, Sweetie really has been so great lately. So many things she's doing and saying to make me and her Daddy so proud of her. All really starting with her fantastic attitude and help during our move. No adverse effects of moving for this girl! She's handled it all in terrific stride!

Her latest report card - brought home about a month ago - showed improvement in several categories. She's always been a great student academically speaking, and she definitely loves school. But the social and work ethics portion of her grades have suffered a little bit. Comments from the teacher on her 1st report card of the year stated what we already knew - that Sweetie finds it difficult to accept the opinions of others. Also she tends to be slow in getting her work done. But this 2nd report card that she just got - not one comment about her interactions with her peers at all, nor her typically slow work habits. This time, all the teacher noted was that Sweetie's problem solving skills are just as strong as her reading skills (which are at least a few grade levels above where they "should" be.) Basically, she is doing really well in school and is loving every minute of it.

Now, not only do we have this fantastic report card to show Sweetie's school success, but we have also been made aware that in addition to the reading enhancement "extra" that Sweetie and a couple of her classmates partake in once a week to give them more challenging work than what is done in her regular classroom, Sweetie and one other student are now in a similar extra curricular program for math enhancement, focusing on more challenging problem solving skills than what is addressed in the regular classroom. Wow! Go, Sweetie! Not only that, but "Go, School!" I'm thrilled that they are recognizing the challenge that Sweetie needs and are providing her with the tools to thrive at her advanced pace.

And as for those social development issues she'd been having, oh, since FOREVER? Well, not only has her teacher obviously noticed a change in Sweetie, but we at home definitely see just how much the girl has chilled out.

My best story I can relay to give an example of Sweetie's much improved behavior is the following:

My cousin and her 2 children were up visiting us a week or so ago. She has a 6 year old daughter and a 2 (possibly 3??) year old son. (I think I have those ages about right, anyway) As we adults were talking, the 2 year old used a quick moment of no one really paying attention to him to start taking apart a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle that Sweetie's been working on for weeks. She had the whole edge completed and the main picture inside all but done. Probably 200 or so pieces left to put in before it was finished. And now it was being taken apart.

Sweetie brought all of our attention to her and him when she yelled "Stop!, Stop!" Tears were in her eyes. She looked at me and Hubby with an imploring look of "Please help!" But she didn't do anything much more dramatic than that. In the past she would probably have pushed him away. And screamed like crazy - much worse than her sad yells of "Stop!" She would have gotten herself in trouble with her behavior, most likely. But now the worst she did was yell her pleas for him to stop. "Stop! Stop! I've worked really hard on that!"

Of course, it was very sad for even us adults to see Sweetie's work being disassembled. We definitely understood the importance of getting him to stop the destruction. Sweetie had put a lot of work into this puzzle, largely doing most of the work all on her own. She really had every right to be angry. But she really displayed her feeling very well - using her words to give a good reason why she wanted him to stop.

In the end we got him to stop taking the puzzle apart and worked out a deal where he could take apart the edge, but not touch the picture in the middle. Edges are easy enough to put back together, after all.

And so it was.

That evening, at dinner, I told Sweetie how proud I was of how she handled herself with her little cousin, and I reminded her that it wasn't long ago when his actions would have caused her to flipped completely out, scream, push, and get herself in trouble.

To which she answered, to my utter amazement,

"Yeah, well now I know that would be silly to do that over that. It's just a puzzle!"

Wow. Yeah. Just a puzzle. That it is.

Great attitude improvement. A helpful, sweet, smart little girl who can't wait for the weekend to be over so she can go back to school. Thriving in school and life.

Seven really has been a fantastic age.

Crash, Bang, Oof, Ouch...

Hubby had a somewhat rare, random day off sometime last week. Sweetie was freshly home from school, homework completed, and outside playing with neighborhood kids.

There was a a skateboard involved.

Hubby knew that no good could come of this. Yet he stayed quiet, not reminding Sweetie to be safe or anything. He just knew to hang nearby for the inevitable crash.

3, 2, 1...

Wait for it...

Waaaaaahhhhh!!!!...

Ah, there we go. Of course - the wipeout.

Hubby quickly rushed to our splattered Sweetie, picked her up, and brought her inside for me to clean up the messes.

A pretty good scrape to the knee. She'll be okay.

All par for the course of childhood, really. Sweetie had her 7 year old physical a little more than a week ago, with the doctor commenting on all her bumps and bruises all over.

It's good to see the bruises, she says! Means she active and playing!

Yep. The girl doesn't even sit still when she's sitting still, we always say.

At any rate, Sweetie's latest crash reminded me of a couple of my latest crashes. One of which that sent a shock straight to my head as I landed, full force, right on my butt. Another, even more recent fall, was just as forceful, only I was saved this time by landing on carpet instead of my parents' wood floor.

Yeah - I fall a lot. I'm sure I must have mentioned it here before. I am pretty much a Professional Faller. I fall so much, in fact, that I say that I at least have learned well HOW to fall.

Hubby is always amazed at my falls. He says they're like in slow motion. Pretty much no matter what, I know how to control my body during a fall to cause the least amount of damage overall - to myself or items or people around me.

I once fell at our dinner hosts' home, with a full glass of wine in hand, and I didn't get one drop on their beautiful white lace - nearby - table cloth. I don't even think I got any on myself.

I'm a good faller.

HOWEVER - given my 2 most recent falls, both of which were more intense than typical - I am starting to get just a wee bit concerned about my safety. Especially considering that not only does osteoporosis run in my family, but I specifically have had a bone density test and I am already showing a loss. Add in the fact that I'm taking Tegretol - which has a side effect of causing bone density loss in its users - and I am just not in the best health bracket, bone-wise, that I could be.

Never mind that my grandmother, at 80 something years old, had the bone density of a young woman! Other family members have not fair nearly as well as that and I know that I too am not of her league.

My body aches most of the time. Whereas I used to be able to stand "forever!" in my book selling retail job once upon a time, now I consider it laughable for me to even think about taking on a job that requires me to be on my feet for any length of time. My leg goes numb. My body aches. My really rather slight frame feels like a ton of bricks to me after standing it up for more than 5 minutes. I'm an old lady.

My back starting hurting me when Sweetie was about 5 or 6 months old. It was logical to me at the time, considering how much I lifted and twisted my body with this new little wonder in my arms. "No problem," I thought. "She won't need me to lift her for ever. Once those years have passed me, I'll quickly see improvement in how I feel."

Well those years finally did pass. I haven't lifted Sweetie for ages at this point. I have consistently visited my chiropractor this whole time, starting before I even became pregnant! Weekly visits for, what?, 8+ years now? And literally no improvement.

Or... is there? I mean, what if I stopped seeing the chiropractor? Maybe my pain and problems would intensify 10 fold! Who knows... I don't think I'm willing to find out.

Anyway, just another glimpse into "me." Sweetie told her doctor at her appointment last week all about the "silly time" she likes to have with her Daddy (wrestling and chasing each other around the house.) Also about the geocaching adventure hikes the two of them love to embark on.

Me? I've become more of an honorary member of the geocaching team. And I'll sit on our comfy couch, playing Ipod games and/or watching TV, while the 2 hooligans of the house have their crazy races and practice Judo rolls.

I'll try to be more careful and cautious, keeping my falls to a minimum if I can help it. Cuz I know I'm getting to a point - heck, I'm probably here already! - where I can't get over a crash anywhere near a quickly as Sweetie can.

Ah, to be young again....

Me - Then and Now

Ever notice how certain relationships can bring out just how much a person has changed, evolved, and grown up over the years?

It makes me want to ask - of others and myself - who are you TODAY?

Without a doubt, the very first thing I'd happily admit to being today is a Mother. I once took a writing course, right after high school, at which the start of each student (we were all different ages and stages of life) had to NOT reveal their profession so that at the end of the week we could all make a guess as to what each person did for a job. At the time, I was working at a bookstore. The first words out of my mouth during my Big Reveal were, "I do not define myself by the job I do, but, if you have to know, I work as a bookseller." Nowadays, I still would not define myself by what I do for professional work. But a Mother? Absolutely! Dec. 20, 2002 was THE date to change my life. From that day on, for the rest of my life, I am most definitely and oh so proudly my Sweetie's Mama!

I could also today tell you that I now work part time as an Admin. Assistant for a spiritual center. And I'm proud to be there as well. But I actually think I'd leave that definer as one of the last I'd mention in true conversation with someone.

I am a wife, daughter, sister, friend. I am, and have been for the last year and a half, a church goer. At a church, and especially with a church community, that my little family has come to completely love. I am a Unitarian Universalist. I am a spiritual person with an open mind who loves the variety of opinions the people of the world offer up - in all regards. I am concerned about the health status of the world and am interested in learning how we as a people of the planet can make it better for our kids, grandkids and future generations. At the same time, I am in no way a fanatic about it, or anything else. I don't want to be. Like I said - differing opinions is what this world is all about. So many issues, so many ideas. It's what makes everything happen!

I am not particularly funny, but I absolutely love a good sense of humor. Hubby and Sweetie make me laugh every day and I love them for that. I'm definitely not very outgoing. I am often times scared to try something new - whatever that may be. So often I'd much rather just stay in my status quo little world. Not make waves. Don't do anything because I may do it wrong and besides, others are taking care of me and taking care of things with already such wonderfully proven results. I don't need to rock the boat.

But I also know that I am much smarter and more talented than even I allow myself to realize at first blush. I'm a smart cookie, if only I let myself remember that important little bit of self realization. Okay, okay - so maybe math is really never going to be terribly clear to me. But so far I have been able to help Sweetie develop an interest in learning multiplication and division at her young age. So at least there's that.

I'm a reader, a writer, a person who loves to play board and other games. I love many different types of music. I'm a wine lover. And a (mostly) non-red meat eater who will still definitely indulge in steak and cheese subs and filet mignon if given the opportunity. Yum!

I don't swear. At all. My dad has never been a swearer and my mom only uses the more mild oaths on occasion. But I don't hold it against anyone who does choose to swear. Please - do not feel like you must control your words in front of me! Be who you are, and express yourself however you wish. I only ask that you refrain from at least the more severe swear words when you're around my daughter. Hubby swears! There's no shame about that! But he's awfully, awfully good about NOT swearing - even a little bit - in front of Sweetie. He's a good Daddy, for that and innumerable other reasons.

And even though I don't have deeply seated opinions about the ways of the world, I do feel, without a doubt, that I am a woman of substance. A woman who, I am the first to admit, really started to come into my own since becoming a mother. NOW I not only have strong opinions but am able to expess them - at least where my child is concerned! NOW I can see what a firm disciplinarian I am. I can punish hard, but I can love even harder. NOW I can see just how very strong a person I can be and, in fact, I am everyday.

Yes, I feel I do still let others take care of me. And, yes, I feel that is one thing that prevents me from fully feeling like the grown woman I truly am. But being taken care of is a wonderful thing. I love how protected and safe I feel in the world because of everyone who cares for me.

I used to put incredible stock in the opinions of others - especially concerning my self worth. And to an extent - I know I still do this even today. That person hasn't done this, so that must mean they feel this way about me. That person did do that, so obviously they don't care about my feelings about the subject at all! However, now, I truly feel that I can, at the very least, get over myself a lot quicker than what used to be. At the end of the day, no matter what happened, I can at least rest assured that my husband, my daughter and my parents love me - loves that will not dissolve no matter what. I am confident in these relationships and they are the people that help me through the occasional tough feelings of self doubt.

I used to be, and still am to an extent, a real drama queen, especially when it came to relationships (see above.) Back then I would have said that I loved hard and got hurt harder. Now I see that I obsessed hard and, thus, got hurt that much harder. I was very fragile back in the day. Today - like I said - I know who the few essential people are in my life, the ones who love me no matter what. I still get worked up when supposedly "important" relationships take a much different path than I expected or wanted them to. But then I get over it and appreciate that person and our existing relationship for the wonderful, unique experience that it truly is.

That fragile thing. I didn't see it then. I don't recall that, at the time, I felt particularly fragile. In fact, I felt downright righteous! But now I've been able to see how I used to be. I see that my powerful obsession-based feelings made me one that others had to constantly reassure. I no longer need that reassurance from everybody. I am completely confident in what I have and who I am now. I may not like all of me - goodness knows I have a ton that could be better! But in the words of Popeye, I am what I am. And that's good enough, no matter what anyone else says. I know it now. I don't need reassurance. An occasional reminder - yes. But not reassurance.

I don't need anyone to be happy for me. Nor do I need anyone to be happy for me. I am happy with my life and confident in my important relationships all on my own. That has nothing to do with others approving my happiness. Thank you, but I don't need approval.

And my Sweetie. She's a good, good girl. I was just telling Hubby the other night that I really can't even remember the last time Sweetie got herself all worked up about the way things are "supposed to be." That has always been one of her biggest "things." She's always had different self-imposed "rules" for the different places she finds herself. But now I don't see that so much in her anymore. She's still opinionated and dramatic, don't get me wrong! She dances like no one is watching, that's for sure. But she's gotten much, much better at accepting others' opinions while expressing her own. That's a big improvement. She's a good, good girl.

She's very helpful - anything I or her Daddy ask her to do, even if it involves climbing the stairs 6 times in a row, she does it with no complaint. I am forever impressed with that.

She doesn't complain. Really - she doesn't. We had a new dinner to try a couple weeks ago, one during which Hubby and I looked at each other with that knowing look of "this tastes pretty awful." Sweetie ate on. I asked her if she liked it and admitted that Daddy and I really didn't, so she could stop if she wanted and I'd find her something else. She answered, "No, I don't really like it, but it's what we're having for dinner so I thought I had to eat it." She was happy to not have to continue. But - wow. She doesn't complain.

Sweetie is polite. Other parents have told us so. She went out to the movies and dinner with one of her aunts for the first time recently. Her aunt told me so. She knows how to say please and thank you. She's grateful for what she has and what she's given. She's a good girl.

Sweetie loves school. She's such a bright reader and loves to sit down, by herself or with us, to read her books. But ask her if she prefers Reading or Math at school and she'll probably answer Math. Wow. Yup. She's a smartie, and a well-rounded one at that.

My daughter is such a bright, well behaved, good girl. She's a really good person. What better reflection of who I am today - who I've become - than to look at this wonderful little girl I'm helping to raise along with my Hubby?

Yes, first and foremost, I am a mother. I am so proud to say that being a mom - being Sweetie's mom - has really turned me into the person I am today more than any other contributing factor. I am more sure of myself, more opinionated, and stronger than I've ever been. I'm a good, good Mom. A good person.

Thank you to Sweetie and other relationships for reminding me of who I was and how far I've really come.

That's What She Said

Nothing like a good, old fashioned Sweetie Saturday to help chase away the Monday blahs...

Sweetie's said some doozies over the past few months, a few of which I'd love to share...

While still at our old house back in the fall, I walked Sweetie down our short road every morning to the bus stop and was always there in the afternoon as well to pick her up when the bus dropped her off.

One morning as we waited for the bus, Sweetie asked me...

Do you stand here all day while I'm at school?

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Upon offering to help me open up our Christmas Tree's branches back in early December as Hubby assembled the tree, ever-attentive Sweetie noted...

Hey! This tree isn't real!

Of course it's not real! It's made of plastic. You see us put it together every year. You didn't know?

No, I thought it was a real tree that we had to put together.

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When gifted with a $5 bill for her Christmas present from her great grandparents, Sweetie said with much enthusiasm...

Now I can buy a $5.00 foot long!

That's our Sweetie! Always thinking!