Mama Monday # 4

Theme: Hunger

Hmmmm, which way to go? "Hunger" as in the physical pangs felt when you need to eat or "hunger" in the more philosophical, spiritual way? Well, I'm not feeling very philosophical today, so let's go with the food thing, shall we?

I worried about gaining weight once I had my daughter. Not being able to lose the baby weight, plus more focus on baby/less focus on myself sounded like an equation for fat. However, I actually didn't gain all that much during pregnancy (only about 27 lbs.), so that weight quickly vanished after giving birth. And, while it's true that I focus more on Sweetie's needs than my own now, I find that this is actually making me lose weight.

I've never been a big eater. I honestly forget to eat sometimes. Food is just not a top priority in my life. Ironically, my husband and I have planned many a vacation solely around the types of restaurants we want to visit, and whenever we come into just a bit of extra money, the thing I most want to indulge in is a trip to one of my favorite restaurants. Not for an evening out alone with my husband (we often take Sweetie along with us) but because I just love going out to restaurants. Even Applebee's - I'm not that picky.

I've always loved going out to eat. As a teenager I would often "decide" for my parents that we were going to go out to eat on a given night. Then they'd come home and tell me how wrong I was, and I was crushed. I mean, literally, my whole evening was ruined because I had to stay home and eat my mom's (actually pretty good) dinner instead of going to the local food establishment of choice. What a tough life I've had.

Now I'm blessed enough to be married to a man who loves to cook. I don't cook. Oh, I'll stir up the frozen-stir-fry-in-a-bag, put the popcorn shrimp and french fries in the toaster oven, or even prepare a killer grilled cheese sandwich. But that's about it. My husband actually enjoys cooking, seeks out great recipes to try and improve upon, and has been known to hold long, indepth conversations with one male friend in particular discussing the subtle nuances and health benefits between vegetarian, vegan, macrobiotic, whole foods and "flexitarian" styles of cooking.

So, my husband primarily cooks and we all sit down - whether at the dining room table or in front of the T.V - and enjoy our delicious, nutritious meals. Sometimes, to make clean up easier (my job) we'll only dole out two servings and have Sweetie share with us. This means, though, that I'm basically eating a little less than I ever had before because Sweetie is eating part of my serving. Hubby tries to give me a larger serving so there's more for she and I to share. But somehow I always feel like I'm being gipped out of a full meal. Maybe gipped isn't the right word, because I don't neccessarily feel slighted enough to seek out more food. But somehow I just don't think I'm getting my fair share of the meal.

Then the weekend comes and I make Sweetie her lunch. Typically, this is macaroni & cheese or 2 "teddy bear sandwiches" (a PB&J sandwich cut with a teddy bear cookie cutter - one sandwich makes just under 2 teddy bears). What I often find myself doing is eating her remains as my lunch. The crust of the sandwich that didn't make it into the teddy bears? My lunch. Her cold, congealed mac & cheese remnants? My lunch. I tell myself that I'll eat something else too. But I don't. These bites are enough to satisfy any immediate hunger I feel. Then, like I said before, I just "forget" to eat anything else. Too much laundry, writing, bill paying and kitchen cleaning to do. Too much other stuff cluttering my mind for any left over hunger pangs to reach through to my brain.

It's not a good lesson, but it's one thing my experience as a mother has taught me. My own hunger is not as important as making sure my child doesn't go hungry herself.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should really rethink this. I should teach Sweetie that food - nourishment - is important for everybody. And not just nourishment of the body, but nourishment of the mind and spirit as well. One should treat herself right in all manners of growth and development, physically and mentally.

Well. I guess I've covered it all then, haven't I?