Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I'm Just A Mom

So what. So I haven't been feeling good - or made to feel good - about my writing lately. So I'm feeling a bit (okay, a lot) unsure about what I truly want to be, career-wise, when I "grow up". So I no longer feel particularly confident in my abilities to successfully pull off most jobs. So I'm having trouble finding employment after all these months. Something must be at least somewhat subpar about my resume, experience or cover letters - or me - for almost all of the hundreds of applications I've submitted to be overlooked. 

(Geesh! Talk about over-sensitive! I'm tellin' you. I've had a bad few weeks of it here.)

So what.

Because I've made a realization. I may not know what I want to be when I "grow up". But I know what I'm meant to be for at least the next year.

A mom.

Sweetie starts Kindergarten tomorrow. She'll be in class every school day morning until next June. And I will be here to both drop her off and pick her up. I will be here to help her with any homework (yes, homework for Kindergarteners - it's a possibility) she gets. I will be around to volunteer in her classroom. I can support her and guide her and be here for her as this milestone on her educational career takes off and moves forth. And I am thrilled about it.

Yes, I still need to provide some income for our family. I'm currently receiving unemployment compensation - something that is available for me for the next several months if need be. This is incredibly helpful and completely the reason behind why I'm not freaking out about money right now. But I know we still need even more income. 

Not to mention that I need to continue my search for full time employment in order to even receive my unemployment benefits. Details. 

So, yeah. My search definitely continues. I am on Craigslist and Monster - as well as several other sites - every single day. I watch the Sunday papers and the free classified ads flyers that arrives in our mailbox every Friday. I still apply with as much interest and passion as I have these last several months.

Oh, and I've signed up to take the Praxis II exam in English this autumn. Finally on my way to getting the teacher certification I need to justify - in the eyes of so many potential employers - my abilities as an already experienced tutor.

But at the same time - I'm not worried. I used to be all "moving on!", "moving up!", "let my dream career commence!". Now - I'm interested in finding any job - full or part time - that will most benefit Sweetie's school schedule. My schedule as a mom.

Sweetie is my focus now. 

So maybe I'm finding out that I'm not such the hot writer/communicator/career woman I thought I was. I don't know - heck, maybe I am fine in these areas and it's just that I've had a bit of a slip lately. Whatever. Right now, such goals are not to be heavily pursued.

I am a pretty good mom. I've grown to love being home with Sweetie, getting into a schedule with her, making sure she has ample opportunity to play, relax, learn and create each day. And now with Kindergarten starting, I can be here to continue keeping her on a great path. 

Who knows what the future will bring. Maybe tomorrow or next week I'll apply to a completely awesome full time job that I'm confident I can do and excited to start. Maybe I'll even earn that job. And that will be awesome! My mom is available on the spot to pick up her "picking up" duties of a certain little Sweetie after morning classes. I am blessed to have family so near by and so willing to help out in a pinch. 

But for now - I'm just a mom. And with all my talk of the Universe and The Law of Attraction - I know I've been purposefully lead to this path. 

After all - everything happens for a reason. Sweetie is my reason. Sweetie's mom is what I need to be - and always will be, no matter what.

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