Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Heck, I Didn't Even Change A Diaper For The First Week!

Don't worry - Hubby was on Diaper Duty during Sweetie's first week of life. And then - pretty much never again. Oh well.

So, yeah. My point is - I don't like change. I just don't do very well with it. One of the great things I like about my job, in fact, is the routine of it all. Some days are more routine than others, of course. And the number of what if's and OMG!'s that could throw my plans for a loop pretty much number in the bajillions. But more often than not, things go along at a pretty regular, expected clip and that's the way I like it. Amen.

Now things are getting a little "changy" at work and I'm not sure I like it. New boss, new computers, new processes to learn and new people to interact with. I'm not going to get into specifics because I've vowed to myself never to talk about work here (ahem - isn't that, like, the #1 Cardinal Rule of blogging? - LEAVE WORK OUT OF IT!). And, anyway, none of the changes are necessarily bad. Some are actually quite wonderful! But they're changes nonetheless and it's kind of freaking me out. Where is my schedule?! Where is my known timeframe for project completion?! Where is my sanity?! Has anybody seen my cow????!!!!!

As with work, there are the changes I see in Sweetie. She's only a few months away from 4- years old, people! But she's just a toddler! How can this be?! 4- year olds can't possibly be classified as toddlers anymore. Yet my Sweetie's a toddler, right? I mean, she was a toddler just yesterday. How can she go from turning from 2 to 3 - right in the heart of Toddler Town, to turning from 3 to 4 - fully adjusted to life in Little Girl Land? Cuz she seems totally at home with her little big girl self. But I'm not comfortable, no siree bob!

Sweetie knows some basic math now. She knows about the days of the week. She knows that we live in New Hampshire. She's a big helper to her little cousins and younger friends. And she says things like Cool! and Oh yeah, Babah! Maybe not barometers for Big Girl status to you all, but shockingly mature seeming to her Mommy and Daddy here, who are watching slack-jawed in the corner as Sweetie tells us about her plans for her future (she wants to be a builder when she gets big) and her theories on how the world works the way it does (It's dark outside because it's bedtime and then the sun will come up and it will be daytime because it's light outside and I will be BIGGER! But not this day. On another day when it's light outside again.)

Change is good, I know. And necessary, of course. Without it we can't grow or learn or experience new joys and challenges or make new friends. Some changes are great and some are the pits. But whatever change brings, one thing is for certain. Change is inevitable.

At least parenthood has gotten me somewhat used to the idea of change. I mean babies, toddlers and children in general are nothing if not changeable. One day they LOVE spaghetti, and the next day they don't even want to look at it. Those daily, seemingly trivial changes I can now deal with pretty well. I have to.

But the ultimate change of growing up, never to return to the former baby years - or work changes where things are now going to be done in different ways by different people from now on. Those changes are more difficult to comprehend and accept. You know life, good or bad, will not be the way it has been. It will not be entirely comfortable and/or familiar - at least for the time being.

Of course you'll find your groove again and settle into an all new, maybe even better, way of being. But the loss of what once was will always clench your heart, at least a little bit.

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