Monday, December 17, 2007

Mama Monday #2.1

Theme: Notice

I seem to be noticing more and more things about myself.

We had friends over a few weeks ago. During the course of the evening, I mentioned how I've been experiencing blank out moments when, say, I'm reading a book and all of a sudden I just can't process the next few words in the sentence. I see the words just fine, their meaning is just not able to make it to my brain. But after about 10-30 seconds, everything comes to again and I continue on my way.

I thought this all had something wonky to do with seizures. I've had one grand mal seizure (a month before we got married), so I thought these strange episodes were somehow related to that. As a result, I'm back on seizure meds (which is why I was bring it up, I think - I'm finding that the meds still aren't fully preventing the episodes).

Very interestingly, our friend then related to us how the exact same thing happened to him years ago when he was being tested for hypoglycemia. Whenever his blood sugar dropped too low, he blanked out a bit and couldn't process the words he was reading in his magazine.

Huh! How about that?!

So I've been noticing a lot lately. How hungry I am. How often I'm hungry. When/if I get these strange episodes (not since I've been feeding my hunger more regularly). And I'm doing something about it.

I'm taking more food with me each day to eat for breakfast. I'm snacking more between meals. I'm not ignoring my rumbling belly. I eat. And I'm feeling better.

I've also noticed (as has Hubby... and probably Sweetie) that lately I've been grumpier/more stressed/more quick to temper/and changable ("blah"one minute and super emotional the next).

It's the season, I tell myself. It's the stress of the holidays. The money, the house, the go-go-go, the holiday prep, the crazy weather, family, friends, work - everything!

I'm usually so good at letting things go - letting things seemingly slide right off my back. But then Hubby brings up one little point or Sweetie works my last little nerve and I just explode.

I've got so much to do/make/wrap/take care of.... that I just don't take care of myself. And in return, I don't properly take care of my family. I snap at Sweetie and I grumble at and/or ignore Hubby.

I'm also very tired. I've always been tired, I tell myself. Everyone's tired - it's just the American way of life! Anyway, I'm a full time mom who works full time out of the house - of course I'm tired.

But I've been noticing lately - boy, I really am tired! I need some rest.

So....what? What does all this noticing mean? Fine - I'm aware of all the physical effects that life has taken upon me. I don't get enough sleep. I don't eat enough. I let things build up inside me to the point of total melt down.

I guess I've always felt - whether or not I fully thought it out as such - that I must deprive myself in order to take care of others. Who cares if I get a lunch? Sweetie's the one who really has to eat. And I don't mind that I'm always the one to get up with Sweetie on the weekend mornings - Hubby works hard and works late. He needs his sleep more than I do.

But you know what? Someone's got to start noticing me. Someone important. Someone essential to making me the best I can be.

Me. Amy. Myself.

First and foremost, I must take care of me. For if I'm not at my best, then there's no way I can completely take care of others, helping them become their best selves as well.

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