Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mama Monday #13

Theme: Ache

My body aches. Specifically, my lower back tightens, pulls and burns virtually everytime I stand up and take my first few steps. Not just the first steps of my day, but every first steps I take throughout the day after sitting for a period of time.

Not only this, but my left upper leg aches as well. This one actually starts with a tingly numbness, making it increasingly difficult to maneuver through the grocery store and all but impossible to climb even one single step or street curb. Numbness with burning pain. Odd, but very real. Very annoying.

I visit a chiropractor weekly. And thank God for that - I can't imagine just how much more severe this pain could possibly get.

I pride myself on having a pretty high pain tolerance. But, man oh man, these awful aches and pains have brought tears to my eyes on more than a few occasions, and a frustration in my gut that I'm simply not able to do all that I would like.

Given my physical disability (weak legs and a curved, incomplete spine) I fully expected pregnancy would do a number on my body. I would probably end up in a wheelchair by the time my third trimester rolled around. And I'd definitely get a lot more tired and achy a lot sooner than the average woman with each and every passing month of Sweetie's gestation. I was just hopeful that my regular chiropractic appointments would keep my pregnancy-driven downward decline at bay for as long as possible.

However, as it turned out, my pregnancy was a breeze (more or less). I walked the entire time and felt little to no physical pain even as I reached my peak weight of more than 27 lbs heavier than what is normal for me. Great! That went much smoother than I had ever imagined it could.

Once Sweetie arrived and my weight returned to normal, I figured all my physical worries were over. No more pregnancy pounds to load me down and weaken me more than I already was.

Boy, was I wrong.

As Sweetie started to gain some real weight - more than 10 lbs. or so - the constant lifting, turning and rocking with her slowly broke me down. These never-ending motions done with an ever-growing baby in my arms, are what started the ball rolling on all my lower back aches and all my leg spasms, numbness and pains.

Like I said, my chiropractor helps. And I've even visited my neurosurgeon as well to see if something was actually wrong near the site of my initial back closure surgery. But, no. Everything seems in reasonably good order. But I'm now continuously using muscle groups I've not used before. And so I ache.

Sweetie is older now and requires very little lifting by me. I'm hopeful that my body soon realizes it can rest now (more or less) and return to an ache-free state. But I've been hopeful of that for about a year or so now and still the pains continue.

Some days are worse than others. Some days are almost fine. But EVERY day there's at least a small physical twinge, just a slightly bothersome ache that reminds me that my body will never be what it once was.

But I have my Sweetie. My healthy, active, loving Sweetie. And for her I am extremely grateful and at peace.

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